


The Haunted Castle

by smallpersiankitten, The Being (cypherd)



Series: Must Love Animal Series [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Halloween, Horror Tropes, Paranormal, Plenty of horror tropes, Scary, Skeletons, Spooky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-09 19:50:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallpersiankitten/pseuds/smallpersiankitten, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/The%20Being
Summary: You work in Sunset Animal Hospital located in Sunset City, just an hour or so away from Mt. Ebott. Yes, THE Mt. Ebott. The one where the monsters all came from. Your interaction with them had been fairly minimal until the day that two skeletons walked through your hospital doors....BUT...That's not where you are now.Now you find yourself in the backseat of a mini van, barreling down the roads of desolate Europe for a mysterious Peace Conference. Reception is spotty. The GPS doesn't work. But this fantastic road trip is already full of anticipation and eagerness! And yeah, it might be a few days before Halloween, but nothing bad ever happened to anyone in Transylvania...right?





	1. Pothole!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, Congrats! You made it to the Side Story! And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, uh, welcome! You may want to read Must Love Animals and the Halloween Camping Trip as they share similar characters and past situations. So, if you haven't already, here are the links:
> 
> [ **Must Love Animals**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6440320) and [**The Halloween Camping Trip**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8366392/chapters/19164445)
> 
> The plan like last year is to hopefully finish up this story by Halloween (and not November) but I promise NOTHING. However! The game has changed when it comes to this story. There will be far greater elements of actual horror in this story so I have the assistance of my wonderful co-writer, [The Being (Cypherd)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/The%20Being), to make this a spooktacular spookfest. Of spookiness.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and stick around. :)

Your head rested against the window, absolutely bored out of your mind. How long had you been in this damn van? 30 minutes? 30 hours? You were losing track of time. Time did not exist in the van. Only absolute, positive boredom existed. And this would be your life, forever and ever and-

“Pothole!”

You were forcibly ejected from your thoughts as the van jolted and shook from its impact with the aforementioned road hazard. With a yelp, you crashed into the poor yellow dinosaur next to you, eliciting a startled squeak from her as well. You looked up angrily at the driver.

“Undyne! You’re supposed to avoid potholes! Not hit them!” You shouted angrily.

“C’mon! This is the only exciting thing on this road!” She yelled back. She gestured to the outside of the van. “There’s nothing else out here!” She glanced over at the stately Monster next to her. “Your Majesty, are you sure this is the way to that diplomatic thingamajig?”

Toriel looked at the object in her hands. “Yes, I’m quite sure. Although I admit I hadn’t heard of this particular peace conference, I’m not terribly familiar with all of this world’s various unions. Still…” She held up the object. “The invitation written in our ancient language, cannot simply be ignored. ”

If anything could earn the term parchment, that thing Toriel held up to the rest of the passengers in the small van had won it first place. The scroll hung majestically from her large paw, embossed with the finest of calligraphy in a language which you still couldn’t read. It had even arrived mystically, in a velvet box with a wax seal, apparently of the Royal Family for Monsterkind. Or at least that’s what you had been told at 2am in the morning by a very overenthusiastic Skeleton before being informed that you would be leaving in less than 4 hours on a 16 hour plane flight to Europe.

Speaking of said Skeleton, you glanced up at the van behind yours. You could make out the familiar outline of Papyrus in the boys’ van. Sans had claimed shotgun from what you recall, leaving Frisk most likely at the window seat, pointing out at well…nothing in particular.

You tapped Alphys on the shoulder. “You get any reception yet?” You asked hopefully.

“Ughhhh, no. I knew I should have downloaded another season of Yomo Maki No No!” The scientist bemoaned. You checked your own phone. You’re not even sure why you bothered to bring it. You might as well have brought a brick. It was useless here. You couldn’t even contact the other van and see if any of them had something cool to talk about.

Alphys glanced behind and sighed. “They’re falling behind again,” she informed the crowd.

Toriel growled under her breath. “Unbelievable. He drives like an old man. By this rate, we won’t get there until next year.”

You remember that initially, Asgore had offered to lead, only to then travel at a snail’s pace. Toriel reached her boiling point about 45 minutes in before laying on the horn and wresting control from an all too submissive ex husband. Undyne had managed to slink into the driver’s seat, leaving the Queen to navigate and mutter under her breath whenever the boys fell behind.

You were really glad that you weren’t navigating. You had become far too reliant on GPS and cell phones and with both out of the picture, the group had resorted to a map. An actual, paper map. With those red and green squiggly lines. How awful.

“Perhaps we should pull over and have a snack?” Undyne suggested, “give everyone a chance to stretch their legs?”

“Fine.”

The van slowed to a stop as it pulled to the side of the road. Not that there was any fear of blocking any traffic. You hadn’t seen another car for miles. The boys’ car followed suit and soon everyone piled out of the cars. You graciously took a cheese stick from Toriel and turned to see Papyrus waving enthusiastically at you. You smiled and walked over to him with more pep than you had in the last few hours.

“Hello, human!”

“Hello, Papyrus!” You completed your greeting with a humongous hug which he accepted quite eagerly. You relaxed in the skeleton’s embrace as it lasted a little bit longer than that of a strictly platonic hug. There hadn’t been much of an opportunity for intimacy, what with the rush of the airport, plane ride and the renting of the vans. Hell, you weren’t even able to sit next to him on the plane due to his stature which forced the flight attendants to seat him in the emergency exit with the other Monsters.

“hey, I hear if you people stay like that too long, they get stuck like that,” you could hear Sans chortle.

“That’s faces, Sans. Not displays of affection,” Papyrus scoffed, giving you a tight squeeze to prove his point.

You finally pulled away from the hug. “How was the plane ride? Catch any sleep?”

“Sleep? Nyeh heh heh!” He guffawed. “The Great Papyrus does not need sleep!” He grinned sheepishly at you, “This is my first Royal Diplomatic Excursion.”

“Mine too. Thank you for inviting me, by the way.”

“Oh! You’re more than welcome! I’ve always heard you’re supposed to take girls to Europe.”

You smirked. “Well yes, but when they say Europe, they’re usually talking about France or Italy,” you couldn’t help but point out.

He waved his hand at you. “Yes, but think about how exotic this is. Even the name sounds fantastic. It almost rolls off the tongue if I had one. Romanga.”

“Close. It’s Romania.”

“Right.”

Romania. Romania of all places. Home of the…uh, well, at the moment, not much. You’re pretty sure you knew the country had some literary significance but for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why. And you had no way of looking it up.

Everyone was making good use of the break from bleakness. Toriel pulled out the satchel she had stashed in the back seat, pulling out a crisp apple. “Frisk! Come get some apple slices!” she called.

“I’ll be there soo-ah, nuts!”

“What is it?”

“My rubix cube rolled all the way under the car!” The matronly monster had opened her pocket knife to start cutting up the apple but stopped at the child’s statement.

“Oh, let me come help you!”

“Don’t worry, I got it!” Undyne reassured, “You’ve already got your hands full.”

“Oh. Well, thank you. Just be careful you two.”

“Okay, mom.”

Toriel smiled slightly and spotted her bestie. “Sans, would you like a sliced apple, too?” When he didn’t respond, she turned toward him, fairly sure that he should have been able to hear her as she was right next to him. “Sans?”

The skeleton shook his skull. “sorry, what did you say?”

Toriel pursed her lips. “I asked if you wanted me to cut up an apple for you?”

“oh. uh, nah, whole is fine, thanks though.”

Toriel handed him the apple before folding up the pocket knife and stashing it away safely. “Are you feeling alright?” She asked, “I know you’re a skeleton, but you do look rather pale.” She placed a paw against his forehead.

Sans chuckled, “yeah, yeah, i’m fine. maybe some car sickness. nothing i can’t handle.”

“You are pretty hardcore,” Toriel mused, removing her paw and taking a bite out of her own apple.

He caught the apple based pun after a moment and was about to respond in kind when a gasp from his companion made him stop.

“Undyne!” Toriel gasped, darting over, “What are you doing?”

Upon Toriel’s outburst, Undyne smiled and waved, maintaining the grip now one handed. “Just helping the nerd get his toy!”

Undyne had lifted up the vehicle by the bumper of the car, now with only one hand as she used the other to wave at an incredibly flighty goat Monster. Frisk looked up at his mom from his spot underneath the suspended car that creaked as she adjusted her hold on the fragile bumper. He held up his rubix cube triumphantly. “Got my rubix cube.”

Toriel coughed, “Please, just come over here, alright?”

“Okay, mom.”

She sighed as Frisk walked away from underneath the suspended car. “Even after everything,” she murmured, “I still worry I could lose him.” She cringed as Undyne released the car and it landed with a sickening crunch to the ground.

Papyrus clasped his hands together. “Don’t worry, your majesty! Undyne would never let anything bad happen to our little ambassador, right, Dr. Alphys?”

Alphys jumped in surprise, her mouth half full with a cheese stick. “Mfh what?”

Papyrus gestured to the Captain who looked like she was seriously contemplating suplexing the boys’ car. “Undyne is really strong and cool and popular!”

“Oh-oh, yes. Uh, yeah, she is,” Alphys agreed quietly, “She’s way cooler and more popular than me.”

Papyrus shook his head. “Nonsense! She might be people popular! And Asgore’s Captain of the Royal Guards! But you’re also popular! In the weird camera spying, baby cartoon watching way!” He insisted eagerly.

Alphys glanced at her phone before looking at Undyne again. “Uh...thanks.” She peeked around curiously. “Speaking of king hunky-uh, Asgore, has anyone seen him?”

You pursed your lips. “Kinda hard for an 8 foot goat Monster to just up and vanish,” you admitted.

Toriel pointed in to the side of the road. “He’s down there watering some flowers.”

You snorted. “I didn't think flowers would live around here.”

Papyrus pointed around. “I don't see why not! This landscape here is outstounding! The lush, well, perhaps they were lush once, but the potential is there! All it needs is a good rain. Like that one.”

Your ears perked up. “What one?”

He pointed and you turned to see a rather menacing grey cloud rapidly encroaching on what had been a rather empty sky. 

Sans whistled. “i don't think we want to stick around for that. we might be all washed up.”

The Queen smiled tersely. “Everyone back in the vans. It wouldn't do any of us well to come down with a cold.” 

“I'll go get Asgore,” you volunteered. You stepped off the road and down into the ditch find the Monster king standing quietly. “Um, King Asgore?”

The large Monster turned toward you slowly. The normally jovial, sometimes meek smile, he wore looked rather solemn. “Howdy, child.”

You paused. “Uh, hi, is everything okay?”

“Oh, yes. Yes. I'm alright. I'm just thinking.” He stepped aside to reveal a small patch of rather desiccated looking yellow flowers. "These flowers remind me of the flowers we had in the Underground."

"The Underground?" 

Asgore nodded. "Yes. Has Papyrus not taken you to see the Underground yet?”

You hesitated. “I, uh actually no. Should he?” 

Asgore smiled. “That’s up to him, I suppose.” 

To be honest, you hadn't even thought about asking to go. He hadn't even mentioned it. Well maybe once or twice, but he definitely never brought it up more than a minute or so. And he was normally very verbose when it came to things like that. You didn't have a chance to dwell on that as Asgore brushed the stem of one of the flowers. 

“Underground, I was very fortunate to have a spot where I could grow and tend a garden. I loved all my plants but there was one flower that was my favorite.” He chuckled softly. “I’m not quite sure why but I always felt like I had a connection with this flower. Like we knew each other. When we left, I tried to bring it with me but I could never find it.”

“Like it died?”

“Disappeared. I could not find it no matter how hard I tried.” He smiled. “I'm rambling aren't I?” 

You shook your head “No, no. You're not. I get it.”

He scratched his beard “The other flowers looked as beautiful as the day I left.” He chuckled before breathing deeply of the air around him. “I like to imagine that the little golden flower stayed behind to care for its little friends.”

You couldn't help but mimic him in a rather deep sigh as well. It tasted of rain. “Rain.” You remembered. 

“Excuse me?”

“It's gonna rain,” you pressed, “Toriel wants us to get going before it starts.”

“Oh I see. Very well, let us go.”

You loaded up quickly into the van, Asgore following suit and the caravan of cars departed. You glanced out the back window. “Rain. Why does it always rain during these times? It rained last Halloween too.”

“It does seem like an overused plot device,” Alphys admitted, pointing ahead, “like that dark spooky forest we're going towards.”

“Dark spooky forest?” You echoed, looking ahead. 

Sure enough, the minibuses were quickly hurtling along the increasingly rougher road into the dark forest before you. You shivered and tucked yourself into your chair a bit more snugly than you would normally. 

It was getting dark. You peeked out the window after a few minutes. You could barely see the road. If you could call it a road. “Hey guys, can you see anything…?” Your voice trailed off. 

Toriel had taken a flashlight and aimed it out from the passenger side door onto the road in front of the car. It did little good but it didn’t appear to be stopping Undyne in the slightest. 

Alphys was impressed. “I, this might actually work. The forest can’t be too big!” 

A loud bang reverberated in the car and you let out an incredibly girly shriek as the van slipped and slid on the wet ground before coming to a grinding stop. It was deadly quiet before Toriel turned to Undyne questioningly. 

“D-did we hit a pothole?” Alphys croaked. 

“No, there wasn’t anything. But that was pretty cool, huh?” Undyne chuckled. 

“Cool?!” You gasped. 

The open door alarm sounded off as Toriel stepped out of the car. Through the rain, flickers of orange erupted from her paws, serving as a makeshift flare as the boys’ car approached. The car slowed down, thankfully not coming to the same fate as your vehicle. 

Asgore stepped out. “Tori, is everything okay?” He called out loudly. 

The sound of rain muted her response and you rolled down the window to hear only to nearly get a mouthful of rainwater. You quickly rolled that sucker up and wiped off the water (and some of your make up, unfortunately). 

The two goat Monsters kneeled by the front of the car and exchanged confused glances before Asgore walked down the path, fire flickering from his paw as Toriel walked back toward you. She closed the door after her and shook the water from her fur. “Was it a pothole?” Alphys asked. 

“No. No it wasn’t.” 

“Ha! Told you!” Undyne cheered. 

“What was it then?” You asked. 

Toriel didn’t answer. Asgore quickly returned, his face looking far more relaxed than you thought someone should be. Then again, it could have been the rainwater on his fur. She stepped out once and they talked once more. She returned to the car as he hustled back to his. 

“Asgore says there is a town of some sorts just ahead,” she informed Undyne.

"I didn't see a town on the map."

"Could be a ghost town." Everyone turned toward Alphys who paled at her own comment. "Oh, uh, not saying those exist. UH. That would be-uh."

Toriel waved a paw. "We could just have an older edition of the map." There was a small sigh of relief. The former Queen pointed ahead. "Let's get going before the rain gets worse."

“Right. Following the boys then.” And with that, the vehicles pressed on into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to play a game called tropes. Identify how many horror tropes you see as the story goes by. By the end of it, whoever can name the most gets a special prize. 
> 
> Until then, stay tuned!
> 
> (Don't ask me how a rubix cube rolls under a car.)


	2. Always Take Rides From Strangers (Art)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is having a safe Friday the 13th. What better day than the post chapter 2 for Halloween story?

The bus lurched forward after the boys and you could definitely hear the sound of metal crunching, but the car still pressed forward. It was eerily quiet. Well, except the crunching, but besides that, it was quiet. 

You squinted your eyes as something gradually appeared in your view. The forest had given away enough to sure enough, reveal a small town. You very easily could have driven past it as there was barely any light to the village.You had just pulled up when the vehicle shook tremendously with a loud crunch before collapsing in front of one of the only lit buildings of the small town. Toriel sighed. “Come along, dears. Let’s see if there’s anyone inside who can help repair the car.” 

Alphys brightened. “O-oh! I might be able to whip up something!” She offered, hopping out of the car after the Boss Monster. 

Toriel shook her head. “I’m not quite sure you’ll be able to fix this,” she explained. Your interests piqued, you followed the dinosaur Monster out. 

“Fix what?” You walked to the front of the car and stared. “Oh shit.” 

The bumper had been practically torn from the left side of the vehicle and twisted in some strange angle into where the tire used to be. Used to be. All that was left was the axle with a deep cut in it. You peered closer. If you had to make a wild accusation, it almost look like-

Something grabbed your shoulder and you instinctively turned around, fist swinging. Papyrus quickly caught your fist and you blinked. “Papyrus?” you gasped as he released your hand, “Ah, sorry about that.” 

“Nonsense! That was very good! I can see my self-defense lessons are sticking very well with you,” he praised. 

“Definitely,” you agreed. 

He peered behind you. “Say! That’s a pretty large gash there!” He exclaimed, running his glove alongside the mark. 

“Almost looks like a clawmark,” you wondered, sidling next to him. 

“Perhaps. Far too large to belong to any Monster I know,” he mused. He cast you a sideways glance. “No.”

You blinked in confusion. “No, what?” 

“It wasn’t me.” 

“Of course it wasn’t you,” you scoffed. “You were in the other car.” 

“Okay good. I just wanted to let you know it wasn’t me. Didn’t want to have you worry needlessly,” He relaxed. 

You started to ask him what the hell he was talking about when you caught sight of the moon. Memories of last Halloween flashed back at you and images of a Feral Papyrus made you pause...and grow slightly more excited than you would have liked. Ooh. He had done some horrible...sexy things to you that night. None of which he really recalled. Didn’t stop Undyne from showing him the footage Mettaton had managed to acquire by strapping a camera to the Captain’s arm though. He agreed he looked really cool but at the same time, the loss of semi conscious control and speech was a bit of a drawback.

You preferred a vocal Papyrus, although that tongue-No. No. Focus. A whistle from behind you clued you in to the arrival of Sans. 

“say, that’s a nasty gash there. i didn’t realize cars could get tired too.” 

Papyrus rolled his sockets but said nothing. You chuckled at the joke. The tension was lifted somewhat. “Is your car okay?”

“yeah. weird huh?” Sans’ sockets lit up at the sight of the building. “say, is that a bar?” 

“Really, Sans? Don’t you dare walk into it.” Papyrus warned. 

“no worries, i’m pretty good at dodging”

Papyrus grinned for a second before he scowled. “Nyeh! Don’t make me an accomplice to your terrible humor.” 

“Hey!” All three of you looked up to see Undyne standing with the door ajar. “You punks coming in or what?” 

“Coming!” 

You hurried inside out of the cold and your eyes had to adjust to the dim light. Dirty wood tables were strewn about the bar, filled with equally dirty looking inhabitants. You felt like you had gone back in time. The clothes looked almost peasant like. You couldn’t help but feel like you were staring at a picture of some pub in the 1800s. 

You were acutely aware of the number of distrustful eyes that focused on your party. And then immediately aware of how quickly those eyes found somewhere else to look the instant a bristling Toriel glared back at them. Frisk yawned. The child had apparently been through much much worse than this. You decided to roll with it as well. 

The bartender however, had other plans. “Hey, hey, we don’t serve those types,” he barked, gesturing toward Sans and Papyrus. 

“would it help if i said i was a comic?” Sans quipped. 

“Sans, we’re trying to stay in the bar, not get thrown out.”

The bartender scowled and tossed his hands at the rest of the group. “None of ya’ll are welcome here. We don’t take kindly to outsiders of any kind.” 

“We-well at least their xenophobia is equal,” Alphys muttered, wiping her glasses dejectedly. 

Asgore approached, the floor creaking underneath his stately weight. “Howdy, my name is Asgore. We are wondering if there is a mechanic in your village. You see, our vehicle-”

“There were claw marks on it, wasn’t there?”

Toriel and Asgore exchanged glances. Toriel cleared her throat. “Excuse me, but how did you-?” 

“There’s things we don’t talk about here.”

“huh, cryptic,” Sans shrugged.

"But you just said-?"

The man horked and spit into a spittoon nearby. A man wearing an out of place cowboy hat sidled up to the spitoon eagerly. Alphys tried not to gag. “There won’t be no mechanic until Monday.”

Toriel sighed. “Very well, is there a place we may stay until then?” 

“Ain’t no rooms available for at least the next 30 miles.”  
Asgore shrugged. “I suppose we could all get very cozy in the cars.”

Toriel was having none of that. “There must be somewhere we could stay.” 

“Oh, there is some place,” A voice chortled. You looked toward the far end of the bar to see an old man hunched over the bar, clutching some talisman looking thing. No, wait. He wasn’t hunched over. He was a hunchback. Good lord. You bit your tongue. 

If Papyrus appeared the least bit phased, he certainly didn’t show it. He approached the hunchback, grinning. “Well, that’s fantastic! Where is this place?” 

“My Master has a home." The man tucked the talisman into his pants much to your chagrin. "Perfect for strangers and travelers.” 

“master, huh? didn’t think you the type to be in that type of relationship.”

“Oh yes, he treats me well. Allows me to suckle from his generosity.” 

“you’re making this too easy, bud.” 

The old man waved away. “My Master would be absolutely delighted to have all of you until the mechanic arrives.”

“That seems very nice of your employer to suggest this, Mr...uh?” Asgore inquired.

“Igor. But it’s pronounced Rogi.”

“Excuse me?"

“Enough!” The old man spat, “the Master does not like to wait. What will it be?”

Everyone exchanged looks. “Group huddle?” 

“Group huddle.” Everyone gathered together which was quite impressive.

Undyne was the first to speak. “Rain isn't that bad. We could totally camp outside.” Lightning lit up the entire room. Followed almost immediately by a roaring thunder. Toriel shot Undyne a look. Undyne continued to smile. “So is that a yes?”

“Lightning hurts people,” Frisk pointed out.

“No, it gives you super powers, right, Al?”

“Uhhhh….”

Toriel shook her head. “I suppose we could sleep in the cars.”

“No offense, but the cars don't exactly seem the safest at the moment,” you pointed out. 

“Because you think the lightning will strike the car?” Undyne asked eagerly.

“I-holy crap. I didn't even think about that. No. I'm more worried about the fact that something just ripped off the front of the car.”

Sans shrugged. “well we better decide soon. pap is already back outside.”

You gaped. “He's WHAT?” You swore silently and left the bar. Sure enough, Papyrus was already standing and chatting with the deformed man.

Igor squealed happily at your return. “Such a wise decision. Yes. This way, not too far now, yes. Very good. They're still here." The old man chortled as his broken shoes shuffled against the cobblestone only to stop next to a large barrel.

"What's still here?" 

"The beasts." 

The sound of snorts and grunts clued you into the fact the barrel was not a barrel. They were cows. Cattle. Or, well, they were supposed to be. But you had never seen anything like these. Two pairs of horns rested dangerously atop the large breed of cattle yoked together. What you had thought was wood was actually the hide of something far larger than you that rippled with muscle and power. You only realized your jaw was hanging open when Papyrus shut it for you. 

"Muscles aren't that impressive," he muttered. 

The old man patted the cattle. "Yes, ferocious creatures aren't they? Almost as bloodthirsty as the tasmanian devil. More lethal than a what are you doing?"

Toriel had somehow procured two carrots and was currently feeding the two hellion beasts. "Aren't these two darling?" She cooed. 

Asgore patted them affectionately. "Yes, such big horns for such little ones!" 

"No!" The Igor spat. "These are fearsome beasts!" 

Undyne grinned. "Fearsome beasts? Man. They sound rad. What are their names? Like Death by Chainsaw or Doomfanger or-?"

"Carrie," the old man muttered.

"I'm sorry?" Alphys asked. 

"Carrie. And Mr. Big," he sighed, pointing to the larger of the two.

You pointed at the two hellspawns. "Carrie and Mr. Big?"

"Yes."

"As in Sex and...?"

The old man threw his hands up indignantly. "Not my idea!"

"Those are pretty lame names," Undyne agreed as the beasts of burden proceeded to enjoy several scratches under the chin. 

"Can't you rename them?" 

"The Mistress named them."

"Mistress?"

"She had some peculiarities. Staying up all night binge watching these...women. A strange woman yet the Master loved her until she left us." The old man eyed you with slight bemusement. "Funny."

"What?"

"You remind me of her." 

You scoffed. "I don't watch trashy shows."

"Sure." 

"I don't!" You argued, "I just heard their names once."

The roar of thunder interrupted further argument over who knew who married who in a television show. The old man grinned toothlessly-oh god, a toothless hunchback. "Come now, my Master does not like to be kept waiting." 

You rolled your eyes but quickly climbed up, followed closely by Alphys. Undyne managed to leap in and turned in time to catch a snickering Sans. Papyrus followed after tossing his brother in, leaving the two goat Monsters. 

"I don't think we'll be able to take the cart," Toriel explained. 

"What? Why not?" 

"There may be an issue with...carrying capacity," Asgore carefully answered, trying not to look toward his ex wife.

The old man did not understand. "How much do you both weigh?" 

The look Toriel gave him made Igor shrink into his seat. "Well, eh, is your other car drivable?" 

"Should be." 

"Follow us. But beware, the road is-"

"Treacherous?" Alphys prompted. 

"Full of potholes." 

"Yes!" Undyne cheered. 

With a "Hyah!" the cart lurched forward through the village. You cast one glance behind you. The rest of the villagers looked back from the windows of the bar, a blend of faces each showing the same expression as the cart carried you away.

Fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Trope competition continues. If you see em, name them. 
> 
> What do you think awaits for us at the Master's place?
> 
> Artwork  
> 
> 
> [Memories of Last Halloween](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/)


	3. The Hay Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but things are going to be picking up fairly soon. So don't be afraid.*cue spooky music*
> 
> Some slight NSFW in this chapter. Don't worry. There will be more of it soon. ;)

Although the rain had subsided somewhat by the time you were reaching the edge of the town, most everyone in the cart was pretty wet already. There had been bales of hay strewn about the cart when you first entered but they managed to be pushed to the sides as makeshift chairs. The rest had been shoved to the back to make a large hay pile of sorts.

You didn’t know what purpose wet hay served but you did know it was uncomfortable to sit on. Still beat the floor but only marginally. Despite Undyne, ecstatically anticipating future potholes as the cart left the cobblestones for rougher terrain, you were still quite aware of the fact that it was getting progressively darker and darker by the second. 

What you wouldn’t have given for a hug right now? Papyrus was close enough but he seem distracted so you opted to settle into your wet straw seat a bit better.

"Man, I wonder what type of house this guy lives in," Undyne exclaimed.

“Maybe he’s got a lot of animals,” Frisk suggested, “Since he has all this hay.” 

You leaned in more against the straw backing of the cart only to jump slightly as your butt came into contact with something sharp. You swore silently, realizing you had most likely backed into a nail. You tried to settle in again.

"bet it's a winery,” Sans suggested.

"A w-winery?" Alphys questioned.

"i can't think of any other riesling this guy would be living so far away.." 

You were getting comfortable against the soaking wet hay when you felt it again. You swore a little less quietly now. Was someone playing a joke on you?

Alphys groaned. "Really Sans? Really?" 

Sans grinned. "pap isn't wining." 

You looked around. Nobody was even looking in your general direction. 

"What? What am I supposed to be whining about?" Papyrus asked, coming to attention.

Perhaps you were unlucky and hit the same nail. Three times. You settled down and sighed. 

"let merlot if my jokes are going to be a problem," Sans quipped. 

Papyrus seemed to ignore him at this point. Undyne stifled a snicker, despite Alphys shaking her head. 

You were just a little worked up is all. And tired. Frisk had already dozed off despite the shouting. You resumed sitting. You had a minute of soggy comfort before it happened a fourth time. 

You squeaked and stood up. "Who the f-" You spotted the sleeping Frisk. "Fudge is pinching me?!" You whirled around angrily. 

The Monsters all looked back at you in surprise. “What?” Alphys asked.

"Somebody pinched my butt!" You gasped. 

"maybe it was a ghost?" Sans winked at you. You suddenly realized it was not a ghost.

Undyne and Alphys, on the other hand, most certainly were willing to debate it. "Wha? No way! A ghost would never do something like that!" Undyne scoffed. 

"I'm sure they would, actually," Alphys grumbled. 

"Clearly, you need to come sit with me," Papyrus asserted, motioning for you to come to him.

Score! "Gladly!" You stood up and tried to walk over carefully to him. 

"Pothole!" 

And you thought hitting a pothole in a car was rough. You managed to not flail too much as you nearly twisted your ankle to steady yourself. Papyrus quickly snatched you before you could actually injure yourself and plopped you onto his lap. “See? Much better!” He affirmed.

“Yes. Absolutely.” Anything was more comfortable than wet hay. You leaned against him gratefully. "This frickin cart needs seatbelts." 

Undyne pumped her fist. "Ha! Where we're going, we don't need seatbelts!" Another pothole nearly sent Alphys toppling over the edge of the cart. 

"Pothole!" 

"he's got that timing down great," Sans admired as Alphys backed away from the edge of the cart. 

"Maybe seatbelts wouldn't be such a bad idea," Undyne admitted. 

Skeletal arms snaked around your abdomen and you patted them happily. "Are you going to be my seatbelt?" 

"Nyeh heh heh, nothing is safer than bone." 

"you guys look pretty safe. but are you sure you wouldn't me to just tie her down for you?" Sans offered, putting to the sturdy piece of rope hanging off the side of the cart. 

You felt your heart skip a beat. "Sans!” Papyrus argued, “Like I said, I've-"

"Pot-!" Clunk. Everyone went up and everyone came down. "Hole!" 

"Ah-got this!" Papyrus finished, holding you tightly. 

Sans winked again. "alright, well, let me know if things get too tight for you guys." 

"If you're really uncomfortable,” Igor yelled, “go ahead and have a roll in the hay!"

"A what now?"

"It's a lot of fun. I like to sing about how much I like a roll in the hay. Especially after a long day of work." You facepalmed. 

None of the Monsters seemed to be bothered by the phrase. Undyne grinned. "That does sound pretty fun. Alphys, let's have a roll in the hay." 

Alphys stammered before applying pressure to the bridge of her nose. The fish Monster appeared concerned. "You okay there, Alphys? Are you allergic to hay or something?" 

"I have hay fever," Alphys blurted out. 

"Bummer. Hey Frisk!”

“Huh?” Frisk yawned, stretching. 

Undyne smiled so widely you could see all her fangs. You’re sure it was probably endearing to the young boy, For anyone else, it would have been terrifying. “Ya wanna go roll in the hay with me?"

Frisk brightened up. "Sure! I've never gotten to roll in hay before!" The two headed toward the back of the cart, tumbling into the hay as you hit another pothole. 

Papyrus held onto you as promised and you didn't fly up nearly as much as you had the past few times. You actually landed pretty comfily against him and an increasingly larger bulge. You had a brief moment of confusion before you realized what it was. 

You weren't an idiot. Neither was Papyrus. With the other Monsters preoccupied, you twisted your head to look at your boyfriend. He was trying to stay cool. "Are you okay?" You asked quietly, trying not to attract any attention. 

He nodded and chuckled nervously. "Nyeh heh heh, yes. I am."

"Want me to get off?" You offered.

"No." He shot you that winning grin and another idea came to you instead. 

You smiled. "Want me to get you off?" 

His features darkened in confusion. "I, uh, the cart is still moving." You rolled your hips backwards and he gasped. You waited patiently to see what he would do. He did not disappoint. His phalanges quickly shifted to your hips and pulled at you needfully with a quiet whine. You ground against him, feeling yourself heat up at the sensation of his piece throbbing against you through your clothes.  
You were worried he was going to get noisy but he kept himself quiet for the most part. He nipped at your neck as you kept lookout to make sure Sans and Alphys did not catch on-oh wow, was she actually bleeding from her nose? Good Lord. Sans was pulling out some soaked tissues from his pockets and handing them to her. She used them to wipe at her nose. Papyrus’ hand started to descend down your thigh.

"What are you doing?" You and Papyrus froze mid gyration at the gravely voice. Fuck! You had been caught! You turned toward the old man only to see him rebuking Mr. Big who had taken a very physical interest in his partner and was attempting to mount her. "Fooling around like that is bound to get us killed, ya dirty old bastard!" Igor hollered.  
You weakly chuckled and settled down, the moment of probably bad idea passion passing rather quickly. Papyrus' hands moved back to your waist but you did notice them playing with the hem of your shirt. 

"I'm fairly sure we can continue this soon," he assuaged you, pressing a peck to your cheek.

"What makes you say that?" You asked.

"Because we're here." 

You looked ahead of the path and your jaw dropped. Silhouetted against a massive moon was the most sinister looking castle you had ever seen. Gargoyles adorned the walls. There were towers and stained glass. Literally, it was as if someone had seen the cover of a gothic book and copied it on straight on top of this cliff. Oh yeah. It was on a cliff. Because what type of castle wasn't going to be on a cliff? Structural integrity be damned. 

Papyrus closed your mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trope Trivia is still going. :D 
> 
> Let us know how we're doing and always enjoy safe rolls in the hay. ;)


	4. A butler walked into a bar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Persian here, Okay, so, sorry about the delay. This has been an insane week for me. I probably worked 6 hours of overtime, my motorcycle was stolen and both The Being and I have come down sick with the flu or something. 
> 
> That being said, this story will not be finished by Halloween. However, it will be finished. So keep your spooky spirits up please. :)

The cart clattered to a stop in front of the menacing castle. You heard the engine of the following car shut off and the Boss Monsters stepped out quickly. Frisk popped out from the hay pile. 

"Hi Mom!" 

"Hello, Frisk! Was your ride comfortable?" Toriel politely inquired, helping her son down from the cart.

"Oh yeah! Undyne and I had a roll in the hay!" 

Toriel's grin froze as Asgore smiled. "A roll in the hay sounds quite lovely," the King agreed.

"It probably would have been better dry, but it’s all wet now," Frisk lamented. 

"Wetter is better, right Alphys?" Undyne asked. 

Alphys had buried her face in her claws, red as the ketchup on her face. Ketchup?

"Oh my God, Alphys, you have ketchup on your face." You gasped. 

"Wh-what?!" She pulled out her phone and stared at her reflection. She groaned. "Sans!" 

"huh. sorry about that, doc. i thought those napkins were pretty clean." 

Undyne burst into laughter as Alphys appeared to die more inside. She wiped the blood and ketchup off her face with the napkins. Then she groaned and she removed her glasses and repeated the cleaning process with her shirt. Papyrus hopped out and dragged Sans with him.

You looked back at the manor ahead of you. And more importantly, the door. It was rather large, tall enough that the Boss Monsters could easily enter without having to duck their heads. You realized Papyrus was waiting to help you off as well. Probably shouldn’t keep him waiting. You glanced over to see Undyne leaping off the cart as well as Papyrus seized you around the waist. 

“What knockers,” he breathed, his skull resting against your chest.

“I-uh, thanks?” You managed, caught off guard by the compliment. He looked back at you, slightly confused.

“You’re welcome?” 

Sans busted out laughing, resting his skull against. the large brass rings that hung from the heavy wood doors.

Undyne headed over to the shorter skeleton. “C’mon, bang away and let them know we’re here!” 

Sans pulled at one of the rings, only for nothing to happen. His socket arched in mild amusement. “they’re attached to the door.” 

“What type of knockers don’t knock?” Undyne huffed. 

“perhaps someone who didn’t get a no-bel prize,” Sans chuckled, pointing to the side. There was a little doorbell button which looked rather modern compared to everything else. Asgore approached it curiously. 

“I suppose we should let them know we are here.” Asgore pressed the doorbell. A bloodcurdling scream ripped through the castle, sending the fur on everyone completely erect. 

“What was THAT?” You gasped.

“It sounded like a woman screaming!” Alphys panicked. 

“We gotta help her!” Frisk yelled. 

“On it!” Before anyone could move, Undyne was already at the door. With a mighty kick, the door broke up with a thunderous “NGAH!!!!” and bent off the hinges. Standing in the doorway stood a rather surprised woman in black, her hand extended toward where the door handle used to be. 

Undyne quickly towered over her. “Who’s in trouble? Are you the one screaming?” 

The pale woman shook her head slowly. “No, no. That’s just the doorbell.”

Undyne flicked at her sharp teeth. “Really? That’s...kinda cool.” 

“Yes. Although most people run away from screams,” the woman mused. 

“Nyeh heh heh heh! We aren’t most people. We are some Monsters!” 

“Yes, I can see that.” Her eyes flickered behind you. “Igor. For God’s sake, make yourself useful and stable those two cattle before they break the harness.”   
You had almost forgotten that the creepy old man was there. Almost. “Yes, ma’am,” Igor obeyed. leading the amorous pair away from the entrance. Leaving your group alone with the woman in black. 

“Come in, come in from the rain,” she ordered. Everyone shuffled in only to stand in a large foyer, lit by a combination of candles and chandelier. There were lots of doorways that probably that no doubt would get someone very very lost after a few steps. A grandiose staircase lead upwards into a dark second story that no matter how much you squinted, you couldn’t see much of. And if you had the chance, it would stay that way. 

The woman peered down one of the hallways. “Bensunmum, there you are.” A balding man with a vacant expression and a cane slowly approached your group. “This is our butler, Bensunmum,” she introduced. 

“Good evening,” Bensunmum greeted, extending a hand, which, of course, Papyrus immediately took. The man broke into a genuine smile. “Ah, a pleasure to meet you, Madam.”

Papyrus hesitated. “I, uh, yes! But, it’s Papyrus,” the skeleton explained as the butler’s hands wandered up his gloves to his wrist.

“Madam Papyrus, your voice. Have you caught cold? Your skin is as cold as ice!” The butler gasped. He patted the bony femur. “It’s the rain, no doubt. I shall prepare an extra hot portion for you.” 

Papyrus looked for assistance. Sans was practically dying in the back, burying his head into Toriel’s waist to stifle his laughter. You tried to step in. 

“Hi there!” You greeted as cheerily as you could. Bensunmum looked in your direction. 

“Oh! There’s more of you? How rude of me not to introduce myself.” He grasped your hand and wrist. “I will make sure to set out a slightly smaller portion than that of your more alluring companion for dinner tonight.”

Your eye twitched. Did he just suggest you were fat? “HE is a SKELETON.” 

“Now, now, there’s no need for harsh words. Your companion is merely more slender and stately than you.” 

Alphys pulled you back before you could deck him. “What are you, blind?” You asked incredulously.

“Why, yes. I would have thought the cane would have been obvious.” 

“Cane?” You stared at the cane in his hands and realized it was a white cane with a red tip. You immediately realized you were a terrible person. 

Toriel stepped forward. “I’m terribly sorry about that. We did not mean any offense by that.” 

“don’t let him park the car,” Sans snorted. 

“Sans!” Toriel hissed.

“No apologies needed. We are just both very glad you’ve finally arrived,” Bensenmum waved.

“We have been expecting you much earlier in the evening,” the woman agreed.

“Earlier in the evening? We just met Igor here thirty minutes ago,” you asked, your anger melting away to confusion. 

The woman fixed you with a strange smile. “Oh yes. Our Master was ravenous with anticipation.” You didn’t like how she looked at you. You didn't like how she said the word Master. The word Master in general was not a word that should be said except in certain explicit situations and this was definitely not one of them. You felt compelled to cover yourself up even more and shrank back a bit. 

Papyrus had no qualms stepping forward instead. “Well, you can tell the Master that we are just as eager to meet him as well!” 

“He would be most pleased with your enthusiasm.“ Her smile vanished and she clicked her tongue. “Bensunmum, please show our guests to the dining room.”

“Oh yes, Come this way.” The butler turned around and ran smack into a stone pillar. You had a feeling he wasn’t going to be showing you to the dining room. 

Alphys coughed nervously. “Ah-ah, we don’t-” Her words died in her throat as her stomach rumbled. It had been a while since anyone ate. Alphys swallowed, “Are you sure, miss, uh?” 

The woman smiled. “Marga Faulstichtein,” she introduced. The sound of a bird hitting a glass echoed throughout the castle.

“What the hell was that?”

“Just the wind.” She shook her head. “Please do not be worried, your arrangements have already been made. I’ll take you to the dining hall myself,” she decided, picking up a lantern. “Bensumum, park their car.”

“Yes, Madam Faulstichtein.” Another bird hit the glass. 

Asgore hesitated but handed the keys to the butler who stumbled out into the darkness, key in hand. You turned around to see the woman even closer to you. “I’m sure you’ll find them quite...nourishing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter...dinner. :)


	5. Won't You Join Us For Dinner? (Art)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your patience. Onto a much longer, much more satisfying chapter of a perfectly normal dinner. 
> 
> We hope that you find that you find the writing of The Being to be...delectable.

"I'm starving!" Undyne complained.

It was one of the first phrases anyone uttered since Faulstichtein departed. The woman had lead you to the dining room, only to have you stop just short of it. She instructed you to wait while she checked to see if dinner was ready. Which left everyone with the opportunity to be a bit more open in their conversation. 

"Fuck yeah." you agreed without thinking; a sentiment that, judging by the general murmur of agreement and the lack of reprimands for your cursing, the rest of the group seemed to share.

"I still have some snacks!" Alphys piped up, making a fairly impressive dive for her bag she managed to hang on during this entire trip, almost excited at the prospect of bringing something to the group.

You realized that was true. Both former monarchs had decreed that given the fact that the cars were rentals, the snacks allowed in the vehicles were limited to ones that were stain and crumb minimal. While it seemed that between the motherly Toriel and neat-freak Papyrus the rule had been enforced, it had also meant everyone was running on water, cheese sticks and apple slices since coffee and muffins on the plane journey, well over 8 hours ago. Alphys' stash of cup ramen, Pretz and Pocky sounded at this point like manna from heaven. 

“Ah, there is no need to sup before dinner,” Bensenmum interjected, halting Alphys mid-dig through her rucksack.

You hadn’t even seen the butler join your group. The elderly human fished the keys out of his coat pocket and handed it to Undyne. “Here you are, sir.” 

“Uh, thanks?” Undyne thanked, handing the keys off to Asgore. 

“did you have any trouble parking the car?” Sans asked. 

“I don’t see why I would,” Bensenmum mused. Toriel had to bite her sleeve not to fall into giggles. You swore that if Sans grinned any wider, he would have broken his jaw. 

“i’m sure you didn’t, pal.” 

"But as I was saying, the Master has prepared a...special menu for you." Bensenmum continued. 

It was a testament to how famished you all were that both the fact that this Master appeared to have had the foresight to prepare food for a large party such as yourselves and the sinister and curious pause before the words 'special menu' were left unscrutinized.

"My word, I believe I speak for all of us when I say that would be most appreciated." Asgore commented to a general murmur of assent from the group. 

"I wonder if we will be having anything traditional!" Papyrus wondered aloud and you got caught up in the excitement once again. When Papyrus was your partner, you wound up watching a lot of cooking shows. What was traditional in Romania? You thought it was probably something similar to things you knew to be Hungarian or Polish; sausage and cabbage and borscht and stuffed peppers. Perhaps some baklava. Maybe Goulash. You were so caught up in drawing on your memories of episodes of cooking network shows that might have featured Romania that you failed to notice that the scent of food was not exactly making your mouth water. In fact, you felt significantly less hungry than you had been just moments prior.

You definitely were immediately aware of why and unfortunately it didn’t seem to be just you.

"My word, that is quite a pungent smell." Asgore commented from the head of the group, something of your own sense of concern managing to leak through even his diplomatic facade. 

You wished he hadn't said anything; it only served to make the smell harder to ignore. By God you hoped you were passing a recently used toilet because...

The sound of a gong echoed into the hallway. The butler ushered you into the dining room. "Dinner is Served, sirs and madams." Bensunmum announced. He swept his hand and bowed grandly at the wall. 

You stared at the table over his bent shoulder, laden with...what could only be described as ...well, Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares indeed.

"The master has done extensive research on Monsters and has prepared many dishes from your shared heritage," the butler continued to inform the door jamb in a pleased tone. Asgore, it seemed, was grateful the man was blind as his expression seemed to be stuck on one you had seen before only in films about soldiers preparing to march on the front lines of a battle no one was fooling themselves may be their last stand.

Asgore mastered himself long enough to swallow hard; as though he was trying to force something back down from whence it came. "This is...um. Quite...generous," he managed, impressively somehow managing to keep the gag reflex out of his voice. You had never less envied him (or anyone for that matter) his diplomatic duties. "We are honoured that you...have tried...to research our customs and respect the pains you have taken to make us feel as guests in your home." 

He had started to pad around the table slowly, inspecting the plates laid out. You felt sure he was endeavoring to locate the path of least er, disgustingness. 

“Will your Master be joining us for this supper?” Asgore inquired, pausing by the head of the table. Given that the setting in question had been laid out with an Asgore sized chair and an equally massive set of utensils, you fervently hoped the answer was ‘no’.

The Master will not be joining your party this evening." Bensunmum confirmed, ushering Asgore into the chair to your enormous relief. You once again marvelled at the foresight and speed with which this display of hospitality had been organized. That was of course, until he continued: "I am afraid he is on a ...special diet." 

Well, that didn't sound creepy at all. On the other hand, 'special diet' might work to your own advantage here. Maybe you were a vegetarian this trip. Or vegan. Possibly vegan. You refocused on the table and another wave of nausea threatened to overtake you. You focussed on the glasses of red wine on the table. Maybe you were Boozatarian. It might legitimately be the only way to get through this.

You picked a place setting between Papyrus and, apparently Sans, as Undyne had taken the seat to Papyrus’ left and paused mid-reach for your glass. Definitely not because you were having second thoughts about how much alcohol you felt it wise to consume.

...Did that red wine look suspiciously dark and viscous for wine? Your hand hovered uncertainly. You didn’t really feel up to swirling it to find out.

Desperate to put the thoughts from your head and minimize the horrorshow of dreams this would infect you with, you wrenched your eyes away from the trainwreck that was to be your dinner and instead followed the monarch on his continuing quest from selecting what he might be able to stomach in the way of food to the place set for him at the head of the table. Or at least you tried. Invariably, your gaze was drawn back to the food. Certainly not because you wanted to, but the train wreck analogy was proving pretty accurate given that so much of it was what you imagined what would have happened happened to the people in the middle of said train wreck...oh, that was.not...helping your desire to attempt to even consider being cordial about this.

Oh look. As you had predicted there were sausages, but they were long and glistening pink with their coils raw and gleaming in the firelight of the wall sconces. To say you were put in mind of intestines would be an understatement and not because you happened to have heard the horror stories of what might be in hotdogs. You wrenched your eyes away and focussed on taking a careful step after Undyne; whose beady eye was trained on Asgore as well. It kind of helped. If Undyne was being a weenie about this, maybe there was hope for you too. 

You turned to look at Papyrus next, only to nearly take his elbow to your face as Undyne chose that moment to jostle him in a bid to get his attention as well. "Hey nerd! Eating competition!" she stage whispered.

So much for her being a weenie.

Normally Undyne's rudeness earned some form of reprimand or at least ire from Toriel, but the other monarch only let out a decidedly not disgusted and truly delighted coo of delight.

You glanced toward her in some surprise. as she bent over a tureen of fat...slimy...oh god.

"Snails!" the female goat monster clasped her paws. "How lovely! Frisk, shall I serve you some?” 

You turned towards Frisk who shrugged and handed their plate to their mother with no discernible change in expression. Your one other human ally clearly betraying you! Dammit, Frisk! You always knew you couldn't trust them! 

You were rapidly running out of places to avert your gaze to.

Even Papyrus had abandoned you, deep in some kind of competition with Undyne, over a plate of what looked like worms covered in tomato sauce. You hoped were not, but as of right now you definitely had abandoned holding out, nay all hope. Maybe they could pretend that was spaghetti and you knew at least in Papyrus’ case he could abstain from conjuring tastebuds. It was with some relief you finally found solace and a non-vomit-inducing place to look in the vicinity of Sans and Alphys; the former who was staring with completely blackened sockets at a large pie that appeared to not only be unbaked, but spilling over with the iron rich red of uncooked, raw liver...or was that kidney. Either way, it was not happening. You shrunk back further with the only two remaining sane individuals.

"alph? still got that ramen?" Sans muttered under his breath. Even knowing what you did about Sans’ occasional extreme reactions to the unknown and general suspicion, it was always easy to forget that Papyrus’ early cooking was the exception to what unusual things Sans was willing to eat and not the general rule, given his ability to down ketchup and junk food, like some people ate...well, junk food. 

"Uh...yes. Yes." The poor lizard clearly had never been less attracted to her girlfriend, given that she too had apparently developed a total fascination with you and your immediate vicinity. You were momentarily and mercifully distracted wondering if Alphys actually liked Japanese food or just its affinity with the culture that produced her anime hobby.

The distraction predictably didn’t last.

“THAT’S CHEATING, PAPYRUS!” Undyne shrieked from behind you.

Sans didn’t even bother to hide the clack of his bones (not that he could, it was actually drowning out Toriel’s reprimands towards Undyne regarding her manners) as he visibly shuddered, but there was just the barest discernible edge of deviousness to the sickly sort of grin he managed. “think she’s right, bro.” 

You didn’t have the heart to tease him for cruelty; there was enough of that in this situation to begin with and looked back at Papyrus to tell him as much…

...only to be met with the sight of your boyfriend screaming at his brother with a half-eaten worm slathered in tomato sauce dangling from his jawbone. Oh God. So gross. So unsexy. So many headaches happening in bed tonight. You looked at the...oh no, that was never a chunk of ….some identified bit of nasty clinging to his armor. Undyne’s fault. THIS WAS UNDYNE’S FAULT.

“That’s it.” you said, not bothering to keep your mental dialogue mental. “Pap, I am insinuating a no-touching rule for...as long as it takes me to get THAT…” you waved a hand vaguely at him. “...out of my head.” 

Just as you uttered those words, the candles stuttered, threatening to blow out. If this were a movie, there would have been a dramatic gust, but as it was, there wasn’t much light to begin with, so the sudden extra set of shadows in the room was just a little...a lot more frightening.

“I take it back.” You grabbed hold of Papyrus’ arm. “Touching allowed.” 

Bensunmum had returned, looking like Christmas had come early on his birthday. 

“The Master approaches!”

“How delightful!” Toriel trilled. “I was so hoping to thank him in person for his most generous hospitality, and if there is anything we can do to repay him!”

“I’d like to tell him what to do with this dinner.” Alphys murmured under her breath, a touch uncharacteristically, but then, she was hungry. Besides, you were sure it was only you who had caught it the slip from Alphys--

“how about shoving it--”

“SANS!” Papyrus nearly knocked you flying from your chair as he wrenched himself around to goggle at his brother. “Have you lost your mind? Language!”

“...and a hamster….what, bro?” Sans concluded triumphantly. You stared at the short skeleton in muted wonder. And you thought you had a fair command of the foul language. You were a girl scout compared to him. Note to self: Always be nice to Sans. Always. Lest you be the target of his litany.

“I…”

And then, there was a dramatic thunderclap, effectively dispelling even Papyrus’ will to instill any kind of manners in his brother. This time, the pathetic fallacy wasn’t screwing around. The curtains fluttered, the lights flickered to within an inch of blowing out and there was lightening and thunder to beat the band.

“Good Evening.” The new voice was not particularly loud, but it commanded power. It most definitely belonged to the tall, stately well dressed gentleman who seemed to be gliding into the doorway, a trick no doubt managed by the fact that his long cloak just barely brushed the floor. “I am the Master of this house.” he continued, extending a hand.

As he did, the candle flames seemed to straighten and jump higher, reflecting the light off his jewel-bedecked hand. His pale, jewel-bedecked hand. 

You turned towards Sans, intent on making some kind of remark about his...bling? You decided against it, watching him again. What to make of this man, you had no idea. Dramatic, perhaps. Definitely couldn’t hold a flame (hah) to one of Papyrus’ entrances. There was smarmy edge to the man’s voice that would have raised your hackles if you had any.

When no one spoke, the man continued, his voice still strangely demanding attention without volume. “I expect you are enjoying yourselves at my expense.” 

It was, of course, Toriel who interjected. “Yes, we are so very grateful for your hospitality!” she parroted her own words from earlier. “On behalf of my family and my people and friends, I thank you--”

The Master smiled, teeth white and glinting in the fire light. Damn, this man must go in for those whitening procedures all the time. His teeth were as white as skin.

“My Lady, I have many titles, But you may call me...Steve.”

Undyne blinked, staring at the strange man before her. “I’m sorry, did you just say your name was Steve?” 

Steve nodded. “Yes. I am the Master of this Manor. Can I fetch anything for you?” His eyes surveyed the landscape of culinary disaster. “More blood sausages perhaps?” He stopped as he spotted Alphys’ bare dish. “You have not eaten. Is the meal not to your liking?”

Alphys shrank in her chair. “Oh, uh, it’s not that.” 

Steve’s presence seemed to collect around the nervous dinosaur. “Tell me what you desire, what you covet most and I shall plumb the depths of my boundless resources to procure it for you, surround you with it until you need it no longer. Make clear your thoughts to me, Monster.”

“Do you have...ramen?” 

Steve paused. “...What?” 

Alphys cleared her throat. “Like, uh, ramen. You know the Japanese noodles?” 

The Master withdrew, confusion clouded over his countenance. “I, uh, yes. I do know what that is. I might have a packet or two in the pantry.” He straightened himself out. “But, surely, you wouldn’t prefer the liver?” 

“the liver pie is a little hard to stomach,” Sans chimed in. The Master bit his lip, his sharp canines not puncturing the skin.

“Do you prefer the flesh of another animal? Something with less muscle and more fat? Something...white perhaps?”

Sans hesitated, “uh...no, i was thinking like a hamburger.”

“Sans!” Papyrus huffed, “I’m so disappointed! Do you not miss my spaghetti?” 

“Spaghetti?” Steve echoed, looking more crestfallen. 

“you’re right, pap, i could definitely go for a plate of your spaghetti right now,” Sans earnestly agreed. 

“Yes! A good idea! Human! Allow me to repay your hospitality with a sample of my culinary expertise! I require only a kitchen, some pasta and some of the tomato sauce in these glasses here.” 

“uh, bro, i don’t think that’s tomato sauce,” Sans mumbled, eyeing the viscous liquid suspiciously. 

“Then what is it?” Papyrus demanded

“...booze,” his older brother answered carefully.

“Well! We don’t want any of that!” Papyrus declared, “That would tamper with the flavors of the delicate strands. Although my human date companion perhaps would like some as she is prone to drinking.” 

You felt the heat of Steve’s gaze upon you and you inwardly swore at Papyrus. Steve approached, his lips curling into a smile that did little to pacify your imaginary raised hackles. “Well, now, aren’t you an unexpected delight. I almost didn’t see you behind your...companion.”

“Haha,” you laughed weakly, “yeah, uh, that would be terrible.” 

Steve was close enough that you could smell his cologne. It was not a good smell. Kind of a musty dirt smell. You tried to focus on that, even as he took your glass and attempted to hand it to you. “I insist that you take a sip. Perhaps you will find the taste, familiar?” 

You doubted you were going to find the taste familiar. Or if you were, it was going to be the taste you had in your mouth with you got hit in the face with a tennis ball. You scooted away from the drink. “Oh, uh, I don’t drink on an empty stomach,” you lied. 

The man nodded and placed your drink down. “Understandable. I too desire the feeling of fullness before I imbibe.” 

Frisk picked up the glass in front of him and poked Toriel. “Am I allowed to drink since I’ve eaten?” 

“No, honey, you’re not old enough,” Toriel declined, taking the drink away from the child and setting it back on the table away from him. 

Steve brushed by Toriel, but gave the now-pouting Frisk something of a wide berth as he continued to prowl around the table, much as Asgore had done earlier, but with a far more predatory expression.

“The child is still too young.” 

You...thought he had said that, but by the time that you looked, the Master had moved on

He seemed to come to some kind of decision, pausing once more by the head of the table, to Asgore’s right. Ugh, you were starting to feel his gaze on you, even if he seemed to be more interested in the Monsters up until that point.

“I was not expecting any variety to my guests.” Now he definitely was looking at you. You tried to look away, but there wasn’t anywhere else to look. He was the only person speaking; he commanded the attention of the entire room.

“You are, however, my guests. And as such I shall see to it that your every desire. Your every, last mortal wish is as filled as my vast generosities and…” he paused. “...powers will allow. For as long as your presence wishes to….” he paused, his whole being seeming to glitter in the fire light: eyes, rings, teeth. “...linger.”

“That’s fantastic!” Papyrus exclaimed, rising to his feet, “I shall prepare a sumptuous delicacy for you!” 

“Pap, please don’t get up,” you tried uselessly. 

Papyrus however, was quickly ushering a bewildered Steve to his chair. “I insist! Sit down and rest! I will return shortly.”

“Pap, please don’t give him your chair,” you tried again, but alas, Master Steve was soon plopped into the empty chair next to you...and Undyne. 

“This is unnecessary, I have already eaten,” Steve protested. 

“Nonsense! Everyone has room for spaghetti! Human Butler friend, would you eat spaghetti?”

Bensenmum shrugged. “I suppose so.” 

“I don’t eat spaghetti,” Steve clarified, “My tastes are...unique.” 

“That’s because you haven’t tried MY spaghetti. It has also been described as Unique! Why that is the most common word used to describe my spaghetti!” Papyrus turned to the butler. “Please show me your kitchen! I wish to see where you keep your ingredients.”

“Of course, Madam Papyrus.” 

“god, pap, you’re killing me here,” Sans groaned. 

“Don’t forget to add garlic,” you added. Steve turned on you in an instant. 

“NO!” Steve hissed. He stopped and smoothed back his hair calmly, “I mean. No, there is no garlic here. I’m afraid garlic disagrees with me. But it’s a small price to pay as its pungency would overpower the mortal decay of the surrounding world; as time sullies all things, which it must. I seek to preserve, in this house.” He trailed off, and you wondered if he was serious or whether he enjoyed the effect it gave. If he wasn’t so creepy you’d just assume that he had some collection of signed Robert Smith posters upstairs or some nonsense.

Undyne scratched her head. “You allergic to it or something?”

“No.” 

“It’s okay if you are. I mean, Temmie is allergic to humans. Being allergic to garlic isn’t that bad,” Undyne continued. 

“I’m not!” Master Steve insisted, his voice cracking slightly. 

Alphys sniffed the air. “Is-is something burning?” There was a loud clatter of pots and dishes from the direction your date headed off to. 

Toriel looked towards the kitchen. “Oh dear, do you think they need any help?” 

Undyne grinned. “On it.” She marched out of the room, determination clear on her face. 

You glanced at Steve who looked very lost. A pang of pity struck you. “Uh, you okay?” you asked.

“Just having a moment,” Steve mumbled. 

You fidgeted in the chair, “If it helps, if you have Monsters as guests again, they pretty much eat regular food like everyone else. Well, uh, Toriel being the exception here,” you admitted, casting a sideways glance at the goat mother.

His lips curled into that unnatural smile and his hands quickly grasped onto your own. Cold. They were icy cold. You shivered involuntarily, an action that only made him press even closer to you. “Yes, sometimes even the most inhuman of us savour the same things of humankind.” You could feel his breath on your neck even as you stared at him in front of you. “Especially those moments of unbridled pleasure before...” he purred. 

“Before a good night’s sleep!” Steve’s head whipped to see Alphys standing, her claws on the table, sweating bullets. You shook your head, your mind beginning to uncloud. With the focus on her, Alphys quickly spit out as many words as possible, “Like the last moments before you sleep and then wake up next to your girlfriend and definitely nothing weird about that!” You made eye contact with her and mouthed a thank you.

Steve nodded, persuaded by the scientist’s words. “Yes. I apologize. I did not consider how long your journey was. Beds of the finest satin and silk will be prepared for you. I shall have Madam Faulstichtein prepare rooms for you.” A rabbit running into a glass window thumped from the kitchen. 

The smell of burning was practically palatable. Steve paused. “They’re going to burn down my kitchen, aren’t they?” You and Alphys nodded. Steve stood up but not before casting a long look over you. “May you dream fully of your most carnal desires as if it were your last.” With that, he glided into the kitchen. 

You touched your neck. “Jesus fucking Christ, was he hitting on me?” 

Alphys swallowed. “I-I don’t know. I’m not good at flirting…”

Sans whistled. “he really sucks the life right out of you, doesn’t he?”

Nobody laughed. Not even Sans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a most relaxing, well earned sleep. Anyone ever having a spooky bedroom before? 
> 
> The Being is unleashed from this point on. You have been warned.
> 
> Artwork  
> 
> 
> [You may call me...Steve](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/)


	6. Sleeping Arrangements (NSFW) (Art)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our first NSFW chapter! 
> 
> Normally I would separate the section but, well, this is an adult story with body horror and shit. You guys can handle a penis or two without going crazy. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Faulstichtein was already waiting outside of the dining room for you, forcing your group to follow her back down the halls if you wanted any hope of escape. She didn't say a single word, leaving you all to follow in strained silence. Only once you were in the foyer again did she actually address you, candle in hand. “I will show you to your rooms.” And with that, she ascended the staircase and everyone followed.

It was rather silent, especially for the heavy rain storm outside. For a few moments, the only sound was the echo from the heavy footsteps and the dripping of water off of fur, scales and skin. After the first few steps did you finally notice the decor.

Candles. Of course there were candles. Candles burning brightly yet dimly at the same time. You spotted the chandelier which was now unlit, looming over the center of the foyer dangerously and you were relieved when the stairs broke onto the second floor, allowing you to cling to Papyrus who thankfully smelt of cinder and not...well, whatever dinner was. He gave you a reassuring squeeze back. 

Portraits of people dressed in Victorian style garb adorned the wall. Names such as “The Esteemed Monte Cristo” and “The Scotyard Bao” displayed under each painting. Alphys stopped by one of a man dressed in a vibrant yellow. 

“What’s up, Alphys?” Undyne asked. 

Alphys bit her lip. “I-I think someone’s watching us through this painting.” 

“Huh. Really?” Undyne mused.

You passed a rather large portrait only to do a double take, breaking from your boyfriend. “What the fuck?” You gaped, staring at the painting. It was of a young woman clad in a green Victorian dress. 

Faulstichtein approached the painting, a faint smile across her taut face. “Oh. Yes. Sweet, young, Mistress Alice.” She ran her fingers along the oil panting with a sigh. “So full of life and beauty. The Master was quite fond of her.” She eyed you with that same renewed interest as before. “How similar you are to her.”

“I uh, don’t see the resemblance.” You were not a good liar. 

“You sure about that?” You could hear Undyne ask Alphys.

“I-i guess?” 

“Cool.”

Faulstichtein smiled. It wasn’t a pretty smile. “Oh but I do. Your hair, your hands. Your eyes. Your pretty, pretty eyes.” Her fingers almost looked like claws as they reached for your face. You probably should have stepped back. Instead you just froze.

The sound of fabric ripping snapped the woman’s attention away from you and back toward the group. Her smile disappeared into a jaw drop. Undyne had punched a hole into the painting.

“Huh, I don’t see a camera,” Undyne admitted, withdrawing her fist. 

“What have YOU DONE?” Faulstichtein shrieked at Alphys and Undyne. 

Asgore quickly intervened, stepping in between the women. “I’m terribly sorry about this.”

“This painting was priceless!” The woman shrieked.

“I’m sure the doctor had her reasons,” Asgore offered, “Right, Dr. Alphys?” The Monster King looked toward the scientist.

Alphys wrung her shirt nervously. “I, uh, well, I thought...uh…” her voice died in her throat. 

“You’re a king, right? Keep your subjects in line,” Faulstichtein snapped. She turned sharply on her heel and continued to walk down the hallway. 

“Yes, Madam Faulstichtein.” The sound of rabbit running smack dab into a glass window followed thereafter. The yellow Monster squirmed uncomfortably. Asgore gave her a gentle smile and she smiled weakly back at him. 

“I really thought there was something,” Alphys muttered to herself. After a few more feet, the hostess finally stopped walking

“We do not have enough rooms for all of you. So you will have to share with your partners,” Faulstichtein admitted. 

You perked up and caught Papyrus looking slightly more eager than he already was. Maybe, maybe, if you didn’t think too hard about what happened at dinner, you two could finish what you started in the cart. Faulstichtein pointed the first room. “The cows may stay here.” 

“Cows?” 

Toriel scratched her horns. “Are you referring to Asgore and myself?” 

“Yes, you are married, correct?” 

She flinched. “Formerly.” 

“Well, this room is the only one that has a bed that can accommodate Monsters of your stature.”

She hesitated. “I suppose, we could share the bed for tonight.” Asgore’s ears perked up eagerly. “But just tonight,” she added. 

Faulstichtein looked as if she was about to argue only to make direct eye contact with the Queen. She could not maintain the contact and looked away. “Perhaps, we could arrange a couch to be brought up in the future.” She glanced at Frisk. “The Master has prepared a separate cot for the child.”

“That will do. Come along, Frisk.” 

“We’re all sharing bedrooms?” Papyrus asked.

“Yes,” Faulstichtein repeated. 

He turned toward you, absolutely elated. “Human! This is great! We can have a sleepover!” Papyrus cheered. You made a little yay motion with your hands. You hadn’t had a sleepover in forever. Nothing sounded better than snuggling up and cuddling together after getting soaked from the rain. 

Faulstichtein coughed. “Are you two married?” 

You paused. “No. Why?”

“Then I’m afraid you cannot share a room. The Master is very traditional about that sort of thing.” 

Papyrus sighed. “That’s unfortunate.” You were slightly more pissed. 

Undyne leaned against the wall. “So, what about Al and I?” She asked, staring at the woman intensely. 

“You may share a room.”

“What?!” You gaped.

“Same gender is fine,” the housekeeper explained.

“Why?” You asked.

“Because there are many countries were same sex couples are unable to marry and so the Master does not feel that they should be punished due to legislation.” 

You shut your mouth. Didn’t you feel like an asshole? Way to insult now two groups. Blind people and members of the LGBT. And Monsters. So three.

Alphys smiled gratefully. “W-wow, that’s uh, really pro-progressive of him.” 

You scratched your head. “So if I’m not allowed to sleep with the boys, and they’re getting their own room, where can I sleep?” 

“You may have the Mistress’ room.”

“...What?”

Faulstichtein gestured to a rather sinister looking door all the way on the end. “Yes, you may have the last room. It belonged to the Mistress.” 

You stared at the door. You slung your arms around Alphys and Undyne instead. “I’m going to sleep with them.” 

“Oh. Are you sure? The room I have for you is quite cozy. Just for you.” 

“No, I’ll pass. I’m going to sleep with the other girls.” You tightened your grip. If they had an objection, you probably squeezed it out of them.

“Well...I shall have it ready for you in case.” The housekeeper opened another room. “Your brother and you may share this room. I have set aside two beds for you,” she informed the Skeletons. Papyrus peered in and froze.

“What’s wrong Pap?” Undyne asked, freeing herself from your grip. 

“What’s wrong?!” Papyrus shrieked. “There’s cobwebs everywhere! Sans! Don’t take another step in!” He ordered, yanking his brother back. 

“ok.”

Faulstichtein shrugged. “I can’t understand how this could have happened. Bensenmum was in charge of cleaning and he is very fastidious with his housekeeping.” 

“i bet he didn’t see anything wrong.”

Papyrus was legitimately frantic. You debated interfering to pacify him but had to admit you weren’t entirely sure how to go about doing that. Thankfully, he made the choice for you. Without another word, he walked in, slammed the door shut and locked it. “Nobody is allowed in here until I have cleaned it!” You could hear him shout from the inside.

You walked up to the door and knocked on it. “Papyrus, are you serious right now?” There was no answer, just the moving of furniture. “Papyrus?” You tried again.

“he’s too far gone now,” Sans explained. He turned and walked over to Toriel’s open room. “c’mon kid. let’s go exploring.”

“Sure thing!” Frisk was already darting out of the room.

“Frisk, where are you going?” Toriel asked

“I’m going to explore with Sans.”

Sans smiled gently at Toriel. “don’t worry, tori. i’ll keep an eye on him.”

She relaxed. “Well, alright. But come get me if you need anything.”

“no worries. i’m really good at looking after kids. haven’t missed one yet.” 

“Alright, just, have him back by bedtime, okay, Sans?” Toriel asked.

“sure thing. c’mon kid let’s go look for secret pathways.”

“What makes you boys think you’ll find secret pathways?” Toriel teased.

“spooky castle? gotta have some secret pathways.” The two of them sauntered down the hall, disappearing into the darkness. You figured of all the Monsters Frisk could choose to accompany him, Sans would probably be the best at the moment. 

You cast one more glance at Papyrus’ door and stuck out your tongue. Whelp. Looks like you were camping with the girls again. Just like last year. You walked into Undyne and Alphys’ room, shutting the door behind you. 

Undyne and Alphys who were already spooning quite happily on the bed. You had a twinge of jealousy at their closeness but pushed it away. With Papyrus absolutely preoccupied with cleaning, you doubted there would be any further conversation between both of you until he was finished. Leaving you to think about your conversation with Asgore from before.

“Hey, can I ask you guys a question?” You finally asked.

“Shoot!” 

“Do you know if Papyrus talked about bringing me to the Underground?” You asked. 

Undyne’s eyebrow raised. “Huh. He didn’t bring you already?” 

Uh oh. You shifted. “I, uh, no.” 

Undyne shrugged. “Don’t know why he hasn’t yet. I’m sure he would have loved to show you his house! He hung out there a lot! That was like his special place!”

“It was?” You asked, feeling your confidence dropping. “He didn’t really talk about it at all with me.” 

Alphys immediately picked up on the shift of attitude. “Oh-oh. Well, he’s probably overwhelmed by the Surface! I know I am. R-right, Undyne?” 

Undyne realized it as Alphys elbowed her in the belly. “Oh, uh yeah! That’s probably it! I know I’m overwhelmed too!”

You smiled weakly. “Yeah, you guys are right. I’m just getting worried for no reason.” 

Alphys nodded. “R-right. There’s no reason to be worried. It’s not like he’s lived there his whole life and stuff. I ah, I mean.” 

Undyne cringed. You waved your hand. “I guess I’ll just wait and see what happens.”

“You could ask him, you know,” Undyne suggested. 

“That-that would be weird, wouldn’t it?” You asked. “I mean, I’m all for being direct but doesn’t that sound...insane?” 

“How so?” 

“I just ask him, ‘Hey, Papyrus, I was wondering why you haven’t taken me to see the Underground?’”

“You were going to ask why?” Alphys squeaked. 

“Why don’t you just ask him to take you?”

You rubbed your arm. “I was hoping he would want to share this without me asking him to. He seems happy to share everything else.”

“Why don’t you write him an anonymous letter?” Alphys asked.

You started at her. “An anonymous letter telling him to take me to the Underground.”

“Yeah.” Alphys paused. “Actually. That-that sounds awful.”

Undyne stretched. “Well, when our ideas start to get bad, I guess that means we should either act on them or get some shut eye.” You did not make any move to grab a piece of paper or a pen. 

Alphys seemed disheartened. “Oh! Uh I guess we could, it’s just, uh…”

Undyne sat up eagerly. “Are YOU going to write Pap a letter?!” 

Alphys turned red. “No! NO! I-well, I was thinking about maybe instead of sleeping, we could watch this show and maybe, uh, you would like to watch a few episodes with me?” She squeaked hopefully.

Undyne nodded. “Oh yeah! Sure. Is the robot princess one or the one with the dueling sailor ninjas?”

“Sailor ninjas.” 

You held up a hand. “Just a sec, can I ask you guys something else?” 

“Sure.” 

“Did you have vampires in the Underground?”

Undyne slowly broke into a sinister smile. “Well...legend says-”

“Oh fuck off with your legend. I’m not falling for that again!” You argued.

Alphys coughed, “Well, uh, she was technically right about there being a feral beast.”

“Well, she didn’t know that!” You pointed out. “Yes or no?”

Undyne flopped on the back with her hands behind her head. “Ugh, fine. No. None that I’m aware of. No. Why?”

You glanced around and leaned in. “I think Steve is a vampire.” 

Undyne roared with laughter. “What? What makes you say that?” 

“On a special diet? The fancy weird words he used? His clothing? His whole talk about mortality and shit?”

Undyne sighed. “Well, that was really weird, I admit.”

Alphys became quiet. “Guys, I-I don’t think it was alcohol in those cups. I think it was...blood.” 

“So?” Undyne asked.

You stared at the fish Monster. “You don’t think that being served blood is weird?” 

“I figured it was like cow blood or something. He gave us those weird sausages made from blood, right?” She asked. 

“I, uh, shit. Yes, please don’t mention dinner,” you asked, feeling your stomach clench. 

Alphys made a similar face. “I still can’t believe you ate that stuff.”

Undyne belched. 

~~~~~

The show was in Japanese you learned. And despite your best efforts to stay awake, you couldn’t help but feel yourself doze off on the couch, only to be jolted awake by Alphys’ screams/gasps each time. So you resolved yourself to just mindlessly watching the anime, trying to put this evening’s events in the back of your mind and pray that your host wasn’t a vampire.

There was just something super unsettling about that guy. All your warning bells were going off in your head and you were getting better about listening to those warnings. It was eerie and you couldn’t help but feel slightly on edge thinking that he could show up any second. 

A gentle rap on the door nearly made you jump but you had sunk so far into the cushy couch that all you could do was bump up slightly. Undyne stretched and walked over to the door. She pulled it open without hesitation. “Christ, Undyne, at least ask who it is?” You grumbled to yourself.

“Oh hey, Pap! Come to watch some anime with us?”

“Oh, no. No baby cartoons for me today, thank you. I was wondering if I could borrow the human. Is she with you?”

“Yeah, she’s here.”

Papyrus brightened. “Oh goodie. I need her help with something. Something...personal.”

Personal?

Your ears perked up and you peeked over the couch at your boyfriend. He looked tense. One of his hands tugged at his scarf nervously? He caught you watching him and gave you a rather needy look that made your heart flip. 

“I was hoping she could help me with something that's been bothering me from earlier.”

Well you didn't need to be told twice. “Coming!” You sang, hopping off the couch toward him. “See you guys in a few!”

“See ya later, dorks.”

You quickly followed the skeleton into his room and gleefully noted that not only was it significantly cleaner, but it was empty.

“Please lock the door after yourself,” Papyrus asked. 

“Oh. Sure no problem,” you smoothly responded, already pulling at your shirt as you locked the door. 

He looked toward the rest of the room. “I'm sorry to have interrupted your movie marathon but this had been bugging at me all night, like an itch that won’t go away.”

Damn sleeves. “I’m glad it’s not just me! And it doesn’t help that this whole place just gives me the creeps.”

Papyrus laughed. “Nyeh heh heh. Well, I hope this helps you destress as much I will me.” Oh you had no doubt about that. 

“Trust me, it will,” you cooed, tossing the shirt to the side, “How do you want to do this?” You asked, already taking off your pants next.

Papyrus shivered. “Well, I want you to climb on my shoulders…”

“Ooh, okay.” Kinky.

“...And help me reach that corner with this feather duster,” Papyrus explained turning around, holding out a feather duster. He stopped dead in his tracks.

You froze, pants in your hands. “What?” 

He swallowed, looking at you. “I, oh wow, I just wanted your help getting that corner,” he explained, pointing to a corner of the room that indeed still had some dust on it. “I can’t quite reach it by myself.”

You gaped at him. “If that’s all you wanted, then why did you have me lock the door?!”

“I didn’t want anyone to come in and think we were doing something...else.”  
There was a strained, awkward silence. 

You coughed “So, should I put my clothes back on?”

“I guess you could leave them off if you're worried about dust! Did you bring a change of clothes?”

They were in the car. You groaned. “Just give me the feather duster and hoist me up.” 

“Right. Yes. Let's do this.” He handed you the well used duster and you soon found yourself lifted high above the air without so much as a tremble. Thankfully, you didn't have to climb on his shoulders. You quickly dusted the spot, grateful that none of the dust landed in your eyes like what normally happened when you cleaned. 

“Alright, The cobwebs are all gone.” 

“Already? Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure,” you sighed. “Yes. Any other spots you couldn’t reach? 

“No, that was the last one. The room can now be slept in.”

“Hurray,” you cheered unenthusiastically. 

“I can hardly contain myself as well. I'll just take that duster from you,” Papyrus asked. You handed it off and he dropped to the ground. 

You stretched, still held in the air above him. “Cool, well if you don’t need anything else…?” Your sentence ended in a gasp as you felt his teeth graze against your navel. 

“Well, while I have you,” he mused, his hot breath tickling your naked stomach. before he started nibbling at your sensitive skin. “Maybe we could do something else?”

You squirmed needfully in his grasp. “Ah, ah,” you gasped. Your hands quickly met his on your abdomen and pulled at him. 

“Something a bit more physical? Maybe a repeat of earlier?” He considered, pulling you down so he could look you in the eye. You did your best to look flirty and winked. Papyrus paused. “Oh shoot, did you get dust in your eye after all?”

“No, no. I was, uh, trying to be...sexy.” 

“Yes! I can tell by the way you’re still not wearing clothes.” 

“You haven’t exactly given me a chance to put anything on,” you pointed out. 

“Oh, uh, would you like to put your shirt back on so I can take it off?” He offered, eyeing you in such a way that you had a feeling he didn’t really want to put more clothes on you.

“Maybe instead of a repeat of earlier, we could just continue it?” You suggested, letting the strap of your bra slip down your shoulder. 

“Oh. OH!” Papyrus perked up but deflated slightly, “The bed is pretty clean but I’m not sure how comfortable it is?”

You scoffed. “We’ll worry about that when we’re done having sex.” 

“We’re going to have sex?!”

You blanked. “Shit, wait, we’re not?” 

“I didn’t think you’d want to do more than heavy petting!” 

“What? Why?” 

“Well, last year, you didn’t even want to smooch!” Papyrus pointed out.

You bit your lip. “Different circumstances.” Sorta.

“Wowie,” He smiled and whistled. “Is this what they call vacation sex?”

“Technically. In the loosest form of vacation. Yes,” you admitted. 

“Nyeh heh heh! Excellent!” He deposited you on the bed and stood dramatically before you. “Human! Prepare to be impressed by my new skills!”

You smiled but then stopped. “Wait, new skills? What new skills?” 

He struck a new pose. “I’ve been perfecting a new seduction technique.”

You shot him a hard look. “With who?”

“It’s a secret.”

You crossed your arms. “Better not be a fucking secret.” 

“Language!” He groaned. “Fine, I’ve been watching a few instructional videos.”

You uncrossed your arms and jumped up eagerly. “Okay! Now we’re talking! Show me! Show me!” 

“Nyeh heh heh! Here you go!” 

To your surprise, he actually stepped away from you. He paused. “Eh, pretend we have very sexy music playing.” You nodded He brought a skeletal hand down his skull before fixing you with a saucy look. Very slowly, his fingers undid his scarf and he dragged the material down his chest sensually before hanging it over the chair carefully. Your eyes widened at the display.

His hands traveled to the base of his shirt and he very slowly tried to pull it off. Oh my God. Was he doing a strip tease?! Yes, yes, yes. He was having some difficulty with the shirt. After a few seconds where you debated if this was part of the demonstration, you decided it probably wasn't. “Uh, Pap, want some help?”

“No. I got this.” He tried once more only to trip over his fallen scarf and land in your lap. You felt him groan irritably between your thighs. “This went way better at rehearsal.” Papyrus grumbled. 

You smiled gently and lifted his skull up. “I liked it so far. Especially how it ended,” you teased, kissing him. 

“I suppose it's a work in progress. I’ll have to practice a bit more. But the show must go on!” Papyrus declared before pushing you gently backwards and climbing on top of you. Your bra flew off shortly thereafter, followed closely by his top. There was a lot of kissing and moaning, especially from his end. As he adjusted himself, a few strands of your hair were accidentally caught underneath his hand. You whined slightly in discomfort midkiss and his hand immediately switched to a more comfortable position.

Papyrus was strong. Incredibly strong. If he wanted to have his way with you, well, he could. Easily. And there wouldn’t be much you could do about it. The thought of being held down certainly excited you but the fact that he would never force himself on you was incredibly sexy. You kissed his clavicle, enjoying the feeling of him submitting to you even as he pinned you down. 

His arousal was quickly becoming evident as he started to grind on you. Your nimble fingers reached down and began to play with his manhood through his pants, causing him to hiss sharply. You stroked his shaft through the increasingly tight cloth.

He suddenly wrenched himself from your grasp and your eyes darted up to meet his sockets, worried you had overstepped some boundary. He noted your worry and smiled disarmingly. “Did I do something?” You asked. 

“No! No. This is feeling good. A little too good. I’m afraid I’ll ruin these pants if I don’t take them off,” he explained, standing up to undo his pants. The MTT brand flashed back briefly at you and you rolled your eyes. 

“Really? Pap, MTT pants?” 

“They show off my elegant structure,” he quipped. He struggled to undo the belt. “Are you just as excited as me for this vacation lovemaking?” He asked.

“I want you to fuck me so much,” you moaned. He made a face at you. 

“Not even a please,” He pouted, crossing his arms. Oops. Profanity could be a turn off for your boyfriend.

And his pants were still on. This wouldn't do. You climbed to your knees. “I'm sorry, Papyrus,” you cooed. The apology pacified him enough to allow you to pull him closer by the loop of his jeans. “I find you so attractive, I forget myself.”

“R-really?” He choked as you managed to unzip his pants. 

“Mmhmm,” you mused, your fingers already freeing a quickly growing manhood from his fashionably tight pants. You licked your lips at its mystic appearance as you successfully fished out his pulsing orange member. “You drive me wild, my love.”

The term of deep affection had already lingered in the air for a few seconds before you realized that you just used the l word. Your eyes widened in surprise and even Papyrus appeared caught off guard. He made a motion to speak but you rapidly took the head of his shaft into your mouth, stifling whatever he was going to say into a groan of pleasure.

You forgot to breath through your nose in your haste and had a momentary panic attack before you realized you possessed nostrils. Your tongue caressed the base of his very warm shaft and he bucked into you impulsively. You anticipated this however and managed to pull back before he could hit your gag reflex. You didn’t eat much at dinner but the last thing you wanted was to spit up what you did consume. 

You bobbed up and down, your pace quickening. His piece pulsed in your mouth and he whined shamelessly. The only breaks from your oral pleasing came when you would briefly pull away, only to run your tongue along the tip of his penis. He was getting close to his climax if you kept this up.

You were suddenly pushed back onto the bed. Your legs sprawled out and you were about to ask what the hell when you saw a very relieved Papyrus. “Wow, Wowie, that was a bit close. Nyeh heh heh. Trying not to wreck these pants!” He reminded you. “And besides, I thought you wanted me to pleasure you, my dear?” He teased, running a finger down your thigh. 

“Yes, please,” you asked. He stripped out of his pants faster than you anticipated and soon found his fingers loop around the hem of your own underwear. You nodded eagerly and he slipped them off in one easy go, leaving you completely exposed beneath him. His sockets greedily took in your naked figure on the bed.

“Yes, I see why the idea of vacation sex is very appealing,” Papyrus purred, climbing on top of you the rest of the way. You could only imagine how blown away he would have been if he found out it was usually done in a sexy hotel with strawberries and champagne, but an eager boyfriend was an eager boyfriend. And you were already spreading your legs for him. “Are you ready?” 

“Oh f-yes I’m so ready,” catching yourself before you could swear again. You felt his phalanges brush your entrance and his sockets arched in surprise. 

“Oh wowie, you really are. Unless this is from the rain?” 

You cringed and thought about bearing your head in the pillow. “I, uh, no, that’s me.” 

Papyrus practically glowed with pride. “Wow, am I that irresistible?” Before you could answer, he waved his hand, “Don’t answer that, of course I am. But you also are sexy.”

You regained your confidence. “Really?” You asked, sitting up and pushing him down. “How sexy am I?” You cooed, climbing on top of him. 

He looked up at you and swallowed hard. “Very.” Well that's all you needed to hear. You helped guide his manhood into your wet entrance and sharply gasped at the sensation of being filled so suddenly by something so warm. You clutched at him, and proceeded to lift yourself off and on him rhythmically. One of his hands massaged your breasts which you gladly pressed against the bare bones. You noted the glimmer of his soul from within his chest and couldn’t help but smile.

There were times in the heat of the moment where his soul would nearly lift from his chest and you had to be careful not to touch it. It looked fragile and you were sure you could accidentally crush it with your massive boobs. Thankfully this was not one of those times although he was definitely enjoying himself, hitting some of the sweet spots for you. 

You felt his hands on your hips. “Can I?” He asked and you answered with a nod and a pleased whimper. He proceeded to lift and pull you down rapidly onto his shaft. You let yourself fall onto his chest and kiss him passionately as he used you, enjoying the controlled roughness of his actions. You felt like you could make an entire evening out of lovemaking like this.

A loud knock on the door did not immediately shake you from your sexual haze. It was only when the knocks became more urgent that you pushed yourself off of his heated form. “Someone-someone’s at the door,” you realized.

“Huh?” Papyrus stopped his motions.

“Hello?” A voice called out. You recognized that voice. 

“Shit, it’s Frisk!” You gasped. 

“Oh that’s all?” Papyrus mumbled, pulling you back down to continue fornication. 

“Wait. Wait. Stop! What do you think he’ll say if he sees us?” You gasped, stifling a moan.

“Lucky Monster?” He guessed. 

“Papyrus, are you in here?” Frisk called. 

He sounded worried. Papyrus clued in to the tone of his voice and stopped teasing you. “I’ll go see what’s going on.” You saw him stand up and realized immediately that you couldn’t let him do that.  
You grabbed his arm. “You can't!”

“You worry for my safety?’ Papyrus gasped, placing a hand to his chest. 

“No! Yes! You're naked and glowing!” You pointed out, gesturing to the fact that parts of him, especially some nsfw parts of him were still glowing. 

“Ehhh, this could be problematic,” he admitted, noticing his still aroused state. 

“Just wait here,” you ordered, “I’ll get, uh, where’s my stuff?” 

The knocking at the door was more insistent. You swore silently and pulled the sheet off the bed and around your naked body. You nearly stumbled before you reached the door. You opened it up cautiously. 

Frisk nervously stood in the hallway. His expression changed to one of confusion upon seeing you. “Lori? What are you doing in Papyrus’ room?” He asked. 

You bit your lip. “Uhhh, I was uh.” Frisk couldn’t help but look you over, making you blush.

“Nyeh heh heh!! Yes!” The skeleton Monster was behind you in a flash, fully clothed. “The human and I were having the most vigorous of cleaning sessions!” How the hell did he do that?

“Naked cleaning?” 

“I, uh, didn’t want to get my clothes dirty.” 

Frisk accepted the answer. “I guess that makes sense. All of our spare clothes are in the van and I don’t think we can get there anytime soon. Is Sans here?” 

“Sans? Wasn’t he with you?” Papyrus asked. 

“He was. He said he would be right back but he’s not back yet.” 

“I’m sure he’s just slacking off,” Papyrus mused, his hand coming to rest on your butt suggestively, and it took a lot for you not to jump at the action, “I’m sure everything’s fine.” 

Frisk did not see the gesture. “It’s been nearly an hour.”

You and Papyrus exchanged glances. “An hour is a long time,” you pushed. 

“That...ah, well, that does seem like a little bit longer than normal for him to slack off,” Papyrus admitted. He removed his hand and walked out toward Frisk, “Right, let’s go find my lazy bone of a brother.” 

Your eyes widened. “Wait, don’t go without me, let me just get my clothes!” You interrupted. 

“Oh, there’s no need to worry yourself about my brother. I’ll be back soon!” Papyrus tried to sway you but you shook your head. 

“No fuc-freaking way are you leaving me alone in this room!” You quickly corrected yourself. There was no telling where Toriel would appear next. You darted back into the bedroom and pawed through the sheets. “Let me just get...get...Where are my clothes?”

Frisk walked in. “You don’t know where your clothes are?” 

You lifted up the comforter, trying not to flash the ambassador. Papyrus cleared his throat, “I’m sure your clothes will turn up once I-we return.” 

You gave your biggest doe eyes to the guy. “Guys, just don’t leave me, okay?” You plead.

“We won’t!” Frisk assured you. The boy spotted a dresser and pointed to that. “Anything in there you could wear?” 

“Good idea. Let me check.” You opened the ancient dresser and blanched. Your fingers reached out and carefully pulled out a very thin, lacy material. “I uh, don’t think I can wear that.”

Papyrus whistled. “What a shame. I guess you’ll have to stay here in my bedroom in the nude until the ghost brings your clothes back.” 

You suddenly had the very sneaking suspicion that your clothes were not taken by a ghost. You pulled the sheer material off the metal hanger, before turning with a smug smile to the boys. “Turn around, please,” you asked. 

They obliged and you dropped the sheet. You slipped on the material and realized it was more of a nightgown than a long bathrobe. You tied it close. It was a snug fit and it flowed much too freely around the legs. “Right, as long as we don’t hit a breeze, I think we’re golden.” 

Papyrus admired the outfit. “Wowie, that...does look very fashionable?” 

“Yes, just, uh, no running,” you emphasized, worried that a sudden gust of wind would very easily flash the fact that you were still very naked under this chic outfit. 

“Now that we are assembled, where did you last see Sans?” Papyrus asked as you followed Frisk carefully into the hallway. 

“He was headed for the stairs.”

“I deduced as much. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quest Log updated: Find Sans.  
> Side Quest: Don't die.
> 
> Horror resumes next chapter. 
> 
> (And yes, if you thought I quoted a particular movie in this chapter, you are absolutely right)
> 
> Artwork  
> 
> 
> [Punch that artwork in the face like a boss](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/)
> 
> and  
> 
> 
> [Seductive Skeleton Strip Tease](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/)


	7. Sleepwalking Sleuths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Being and I will have our hands in every chapter from this point forward. There are officially no more safe chapters.
> 
> That being said, (heh), enjoy!

Frisk must have seen untold horrors in his short lifespan because he was the first to descend the stairs without a moment’s hesitation. However, even his pace started to slow as he neared the bottom. “It gets kind of dark towards the bottom. Does anyone have a light?” Frisk asked.

You shook your head. “I guess we could use my phone but I was really hoping to conserve the battery.” Not that you could call anyone, never mind the roaming charges, but it was hopeful thinking like that that kept you from freaking out. 

Papyrus spotted a lit candle attached to the wall. “There's a large candle here. Do you think they’d mind if I used this?”

“Don't see why not. Just don't get burned.”

Papyrus chuckled. “Nyeh heh heh. Considering I don't have skin, I don't think that will be a problem.”

“Hurry up!” You both looked to see Frisk already continuing his descent the stairs. 

“Right behind you!” Papyrus announced and you quickly followed. But not too quickly. You didn’t want to flash anyone with this outfit. And with such sheer clothing, you expected to be chilly. Instead, you found yourself comfortably warm.

“For a castle, I’m surprised it’s warm,” you admitted, “This robe isn’t what you’d call warm but I’m not freezing.”

“Isn’t that the norm?” Papyrus asked. “Especially for you humans! Due to my incredible powers of observation, I swiftly realized that you do not like to be cold.” 

“No, normally castles are drafty and I’d be freezing my ti-teeth off,” you quickly corrected, remembering that you had a child with you. 

“Odd.” Papyrus mused. “The Castle in New Home was very warm indeed. Because of Hotland. I was not there very long though.”

You paused at Papyrus’ commentary. “Hold up, I thought you said the Underground just had snow?” 

“Oh, that was just Snowdin. Hotland was hot.” He said this like he had told you a million times. He had never mentioned this once. Was he really telling everyone else but you about the Underground? You felt yourself tense and debated whether to question this lack of communication in what was otherwise a pretty satisfying relationship.

The realization that for such a large castle, it was strangely devoid of noise quickly changed your mind. ”It's really quiet down here,” you mumbled.

“There were a couple of people working here,” Frisk mused, “Where do you think they sleep?”

“I have no idea.” That was strange too. Castles were huge. Even ones that weren’t working required a fairly large staff and were in reasonable repair. This place was so full of cobwebs and dust it was impressive that Papyrus hadn’t spontaneously manifested a brain just to have an aneurysm over it. Perhaps he was still in shock/post coital bliss from the bedroom? You were hoping it was the latter.

“Do you think they're still in the castle?”

“I hope not.” 

“If they're in the castle, then that means that they could show up any second now out of the darkness,” Papyrus reasoned.

You stopped walking and turned on him.“Why the hell would you even say that?!” You hissed.

“I just want everyone to be aware in case they come to say hi. No need to get spooked out of our skin. Nyeh heh heh.” He laughed smugly at his attempt at humor. 

“Good lord, Pap. That was almost as bad as Sans’.” 

“What? No! My jokes are better.”

Frisk held up a hand. “Hold up, do you guys hear that?” 

Your group drew silent. Sure enough, the sound of a long lonely howl echoed throughout the castle. “Sounds like a wolf?” Papyrus suggested.

You bit your lip. “Wolves? Why the hell are there wolves here? Are they inside the castle?” Visions of being mauled by actual wild beasts drifted to the forefront of your mind. 

“Well, the breed of Eurasian wolves-” An unfamiliar voice announced behind you. 

You gave a short startled shriek, prompting Papyrus to turn around sweep the feet of the unknown intruder. Your shriek turned into a gasp as you watched the blind butler proceed to eat it on the stone floor. “Oh my God, are you okay?” you gasped. 

Papyrus was quick to offer a hand out to the dazed servant. “Whoopsy doopsy! Sorry about that! My expert guard in training skills are in full swing at the moment!” 

Bensenmum took the hand gratefully and stood back up, dusting himself off. “That’s quite alright, madam. I understand how you would be worried at night. But don’t fear, wolves aren’t as common as they once were. Transylvanian’s population of Eurasian wolves has fallen significantly in recent years.”

Your face fell. “That’s kind of sad actually. I always thought wolves were rather pretty-hold up, what did you say?” You realized.

“About their endangered status?” Bensenmum asked.

“No. Did you say...Transylvania?” You prompted. You must have misheard. You hoped you misheard.

“Yes.”

“As in, Transylvania Transylvania?” You asked, trying to keep the quickly rising anxiety from creeping into your voice.

“Well, not quite, it’s Transylvania, Romania if you want to be specific. Transylvania is one of the many regions of Romania.”

Oh my God. That’s why you remembered Romania. All the horror stories you ever read. All of those fuckers one way or another came from Transylvania. The land of ghostly whispers and terrified villagers and missing infants. No wonder those townsfolk looked spooked. They knew what went on in the night. And here you were, right smack dab in the center of it.

You felt Papyrus place a hand against your forehead. “Goodness, human you look rather pale.”

Bensenmum cleared his throat. “Oh, perhaps a glass of water would do you good. The kitchen is indefinitely closed at the moment but I’m sure I could whip up a glass.”

Frisk nodded. “If you don’t mind, could I have a glass of water too?”

“Of course, if the young master and his companions would follow me, I shall lead you to the kitchen.” He turned and tapped his way toward the kitchen. At least, you were hoping it was the kitchen. You didn’t really know your way around here. It was almost the blind leading the blind here. 

You did, however, clue in to the low deep rumble that picked up as you walked forward. Your ears perked up. Was it getting the louder the closer you approached? It sure seemed that way. 

Finally, you had to asked, “What is that?”

Bensenmum listened. “Strange, it’s not a sound I’m familiar with.”

Frisk cupped his hand over his ear. “It sounds like someone growling.”

“Or a saw going both ways.”

“Really?” It was hard to tell, but Bensenmum looked pensive. “Why the more I think on it, the more I felt sure that perhaps Carrie and Mr. Big had taken to mating near the gardener's tool shed again. I am afraid that I shall have to purchase all new hoes once again.”

You clapped your hands instinctively over Frisk’s ears in horror, only to have the child wriggle free in irritation.

Papyrus meanwhile was astonishingly devoid of any input. You glanced over at the skeleton only to do a double take. Far from confused or ready to join in on the speculation, he only looked incredibly irritated. 

“Pap, what’s up?” You asked.

He threw his hands in the air. “Arghhhh, I know that sound! Sans! Wake up!” He stomped forward angrily, forcing the rest of you to quickly scurry after him before he accidentally left you in complete darkness. It didn’t take too long to catch up to him. His hands were at his hips, glaring down angrily at the figure on the couch. “Figures my brother would leave a bedroom just to find another place to nap!”

Sure enough, lying on the couch, was the source of the unholy noise; Sans. Your anxiety melted away as he continued to snore loudly. 

“He certainly looks quite comfortable,” Another voice practically whispered in your ear. There was a collective jump at the new voice and you rapidly sought out yet another new intruder. It was Steve. Fucking Steve. Looking just as creepy as he did at dinner, though he had swapped the cape for a fur-lined hooded one. Clearly he did not find the castle as warm as you did...or maybe he was cold. One of those people who was always cold. From poor circulation (or no circulation.). You shuddered, glad that his gaze flickered toward Sans. He smiled in an almost tender fashion. “Almost like a corpse withered to nothing from his long repose.” 

Bensenmum clasped his hands together joyfully. “Oh! Master, I did not realize you had already returned from your nightly travels!” 

Steve’s bejeweled hand stroked the ornate wooden frame of the couch. “Yes, but I realized I had everything I wanted at the manor. Still, imagine my surprise to find one of my guests asleep on my favorite couch and not in his room, with still others wandering about the halls” The last part of his sentence came out a bit harsher than the rest of his eloquent speaking. 

If Papyrus picked up on the change of tone, he didn’t show it. “I apologize for my brother’s behavior. He has some of the worst habits about sleeping. The time, the length of time -” he gestured again at Sans. “-the spots. I once found him asleep in under his sentry post amidst a pile of ketchup packets.” 

Steve waved him away. “Please, do not feel obligated to apologize.” His vision flickered to you and the smile widened. “And I see you helped yourself to a change of clothes. That is quite appropriate.” 

You squirmed uncomfortably. You weren’t so much concerned with the fact that you borrowed clothes without asking as you were with the fact that it increased your familiarity with this creep. “Yeah, uh, my other clothes got...dirty.” Technically you were telling the truth. You felt his eyes canvas your figure and you were almost positive that he could see your naked body.

“They suit you, tracing your womanly figure wonderfully,” he observed, nearing you, once more with that unnerving illusion of gliding as opposed to walking, “It is a welcome change to see someone so lively wearing this outfit again. It brings back such delicious memories. Memories I feared lost to the darkest of ages.”

Fucking fantastic. You sidestepped him before he could get too close. Frisk stepped forward. “How did you know we were here?” He asked curiously. 

“Oh, I couldn’t help but overhear you. Your lot is so obstreperous, you could summon forth the dead from their graves to beg for your silence.”

Papyrus huffed irritably, apparently oblivious to creepy speak...but then taking into consideration Papyrus’ tendencies towards an unusual turn of phrase, maybe he just wasn’t really noticing it. “I doubt it. Sans sleeps through everything. I’m probably going to have to carry him up!” 

Steve nodded, satisfied with this answer. “Very well. Bensenmum. See them to their rooms and make sure they’re comfortable enough that they don’t have more nightly adventures. In Transylvania, there are much worse things to be worried about other than wolves.”

“Like vampires,” you mumbled. 

“I beg your pardon, my dear?"

"Uhhhh. I didn't say anything." Shit

"I believe I thought I heard you say vampy--” 

“Wildfires!” Your eyes widened. “Like...wildfires?” 

Steve looked at you quizzically. “I, uh, I suppose fire can be scary. But you know, you can prevent those, right?”

“Yes.”

Steve grinned. He looked distressingly like the Cheshire Cat from Alice’s adventures “Excellent. I'm afraid I must leave you. Dawn approaches, in naught but a few hours and there is still much to be done before I am forced to take respite from my constant vigil and travail. My only comfort now is such that I have tomorrow evening to look forward to as I have you for supper. Be round by...sundown.”

The words hung in the air before he pulled away, leaving no footsteps as he drifted back into the darkness.

“Wait.” You realized, finally parsing something pertinent from whatever ridiculous crap Steve was constantly spouting. “Did he say dawn? What time is it?”

“2:30.” Papyrus grunted, lifting Sans onto his back. Sans made a funny sort of jerky motion, as though he were about to wake up, but instead he settled forward more fully against’ Papyrus’ shoulder.

Frisk gasped. “Oh man! My mom is going to freak out.”

Now a real sense of dread seized the group at the possibility of being the receiving end of one of Toriel’s infamous mom stares and they practically crowded each other heading back towards the stairs. You ran back up as a unit, Papyrus impressively leading the pack in spite of his burden and dispersed, but not before you doubled back to catch up with Papyrus.

“I want my clothes back,” you warned.

He chuckled nervously. “Yes, ah, of course. I'm sure the...ghost will bring them back. Clean.”

“They don't have to be clean, but thank you.” You dawdled in front of the door. This didn't seem like the time to ask about going to the Underground. Instead, you pressed a kiss to his cheek bone, an action he blushed at. Which you found especially amusing considering you guys literally fucked just thirty minutes ago. Still, moments like this just made him more endearing to you. 

You walked back into your bedroom quietly only to see that Undyne and Alphys were still wide awake. At least Alphys was. Undyne appeared to doze off only to jolt awake when Alphys would snort and guffaw. You settled back into your couch, thinking that you could sleep despite the scientist’s enthusiasm. 

You didn’t sleep a wink. You couldn’t be anymore jealous of Sans’ ability to cop a few z’s.

~~~~~

“ugh, never thought i’d be missing snowdin.” Sans muttered to himself, maneuvering the hallway in the dark. He hadn’t snuck out of the house in the evening for a long time, but this was dire straights and not to mention, Papyrus was having a fit over the cobwebby state of the room and likely wouldn’t have noticed if Sans had left wearing a tutu and singing show tunes, which suited the elder of the duo just fine all things considered. He didn’t fancy an argument regarding his manners or his eating habits and he would have sold his soul for Grillby’s right about now. The ‘Master’ of this place had assumed they ate that buffet of weird because they were Monsters...but they hadn’t eaten with them, and hadn’t he known what Alphys and Papyrus had meant about their noodles? So maybe, just maybe he had a raidable fridge of not-gross food. 

Or another kitchen that hadn’t been burnt down, or a pantry, or a unattended box of bon-bons on a silver tray. Eccentric rich people in pretentious castley places had that kind of crap, right?

Hmm. Or, perhaps a couch, like the nice plush looking one adorning this hallway. Why there was a random couch in a hallway was beyond him, but hey, this guy’s weirdness was his gain. Sleeping was about as good as eating and not to mention closer. Frisk wouldn’t mind if he caught a few winks while his brother went on his insane cleaning rampage. He made a beeline for the couch.

“Hey Sansy!” He turned, confused by the familiar greeting. Oh. He was at Grillby's. This was a welcome surprise.

“San-oh geez it IS you! Haven’t see you in a while pal!” Another patron barked, waving at him.

He paused briefly before stepping into the pub. “uh, sure. yeah...hehe.” Sans assumed that was a joke. He was in here literally every day. “good one.”

The bartender watched him approach. “Sans. I was starting to believe I had lost my best customer. The usual then?”

Heh, even Grillby was in on the joke? That was a new one. It never failed to amuse him how vehemently against the place Papyrus was, yet how much its proprietor actually had in common with his brother, right down to how much fun it was to sling the worst puns imaginable at them for the reaction. 

“better make it two. i’m starving; it was pap’s night to cook and i love my brother but fake eating in a nice slight of hand sauce really doesn’t fill me up. ’m all bones here.”

Grillby made a light sound that Sans knew to be a chuckle. “I’ll make it fast.”

“you’re the best grillbz.”

“Well, I know you’ll want to not miss the show!”

“...show?” Sans’ brow bones furrowed deeply enough to turn his skeletal grin into a grimace. He knew everything that went on in Snowdin. A shade better than most, he added to himself, not without a hint of bitterness which he tried to shrug off as hunger. “never had you pegged for joining the mtt fanclub there heh…lemme guess. you tune in for cooking with a killer robot? or is it all about the legs for you?”

“Mettaton doesn’t have legs. And neither. Have you forgotten? I find that hard to believe.” Grillby slid the completed burgers across the table and Sans almost missed what came next as he grabbed the burg and took a bite. “It’s your brother’s big day. We’re all going to see him fight the human.”

Sans jaw literally dropped open, the half-chewed bite of burger falling out and leaving a long, stripe of red ketchup down his white shirt. 

“You’re a terrible slob, Sans.” 

“a...little blunt aren’t we there, grillbz?” The skeleton was struggling to compose himself. Was everyone a little off today? It was true that Grillby could get a little wry from time to time but snarky and salty just wasn’t his style. Then, it hit him what had actually been said. “wait. did ya just say that papyrus is going to fight the human and everyone’s going to go watch?”

“Of course. Don’t pretend like you aren’t going to go. Watch patiently and not have to lift a finger yourself? You’re good at that. It’s all you ever do.” 

Sans slammed his plate down. It rattled back and forth hard but he failed to get it far enough off the end of the bar to shatter it all over the floor like he wanted to. HE could feel his eyelights wink out in the rage that crashed over him, overtaking the confusion. 

“suddenly. i a m n o t h u n g r y.” 

He slammed the door on the way out too to make up for it. For some reason it didn’t even bang in a satisfying way. Damnit. He was weak.

He stumbled off blindly in a random direction, not noticing that he was about to walk into someone until they called out to him. “Hey Sansy, off to watch your brother?”

“yeah! yeah where is it? where is he!?” Sans grabbed the Nice Cream Guy by his suspenders. “where?”

“I’m just headed over myself. By the golf course of course! Lots of space there for the whole gang! Naturally, I’m bringing my cart. It should be a great spot for sales.”

Sans growled and shoved him, ineffectual as that was. Bleu, like Grillby, was generally speaking one of Sans’ favourite monsters. Had EVERYONE suddenly lost their minds? Or were these their true colours and he’d never actually noticed until now? He hadn’t imagined that he had any idealism and faith in the world left to lose, but there you were; he could apparently sink lower.

The crowd that had gathered at the golf course was enormous and the glut of unkind words descended upon Sans like ghosts. 

“Papyrus and a human!”

“Think he’ll win?”

“Dunno. He’s kind of weird but I heard he trained with Undyne!”

“Yeah but she doesn’t really train him. He gets cooking lessons.”

“Maybe he’ll feed them his marinara sauce...I couldn’t get the taste out of my mouth for days!”

There was a round of chuckling. Sans bit down the urge to skewer the lot of them with a wave of bones.

If he could just...see above the crowd. He was cursed with shortness.

Shortness, slowness, roundness...occasional sliminess. The thought made him laugh to himself. His brother. The one good thing in his life. He had to find him. He had to show him there was someone here for him. Someone who was supporting him!.

Bleachers. There were bleachers.

He could get up on them for a better view. The snow slowed him, but he struggled on. Slogging through.

“oh thank asgore…paps!” 

“Brother!” Papyrus waved with a cheerful smile. “Are you ready to watch me?” He asked pointing to his opponent across from him.

And it was...it was Frisk. Just Frisk. Thank…

The kid turned in Sans’ direction and winked at him.

...with one of their burgeoning red eyes.

Throwing all caution and the extent of his voice to the winds, Sans tried one last time with everything he had. “PAPS! PAPYRUS! BROTHER!”

Grillby. Guy. They were all right. It was not enough. 

And it was over in a moment. The knife went through Papyrus’ costume armor like butter and his head toppled into the snow, body crumpling and crumbling into dust.

“paps….no….no….paps!” Sans yelled. He should be running to his...why wasn’t he able to...

“hey there was nothing you could do, pal.” 

The Sans to his right shrugged.

“how many times for you?”

“oh bout a hundred.” Another Sans answered.

“only ten.” Another admitted. Sans could feel his chest clenching.

“hey. stop hyperventilating. you’re one of us now. I know it’s hard for the newbs but you’re just going to waste needless energy.”

Sans stared around, voice dying in his non-existent throat. The bleachers were filled with carbon copies of himself. “who...are you?” he managed.

“we’re all the other sanses.”

“this, this doesn’t make any sense.” Sans mumbled, “why am i here? i was on the surface!” 

“sure we all got at least one of those. but whenever that’s over...well…”

The Sans who had spoken first, the one of a hundred kills, patted the empty seat next to his own invitingly. “sit back down pal. i’d say we’d be keepin’ your seat warm for you but it’s cold out here. don’t worry though, you’ll be in it forever. it won’t take too long.” 

And Sans sat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, shit starts. Hope ya'll are ready for this.


	8. A Quip About Kippers (Art)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for your patience!
> 
> We have fanart for this story! Alireznews drew us a cool picture of the whole crew in the vans, the spooky castle and fucking Steve. Show him some love by following his link: [The Haunted Castle!](https://alireznews.tumblr.com/post/166115390756/smallpersiankitten)
> 
> Once again, a chapter co-done by the Being and I. Enjoy. :)

You rolled off the couch, too tired to care about exposing yourself to anyone anymore. Thankfully, Undyne appeared just as tired and if she did see the goods, she didn’t say anything. Alphys was already scrolling to the next episode before Undyne placed a surprisingly gentle hand on her wrist. “Al, I love you but if i see one more robot french kiss a mermaid, I might hurl up last night’s dinner.” 

Alphys paled at the real threat before laughing nervously. “Ah yeah, right. Sorry about that. Got carried away there. Maybe….later?” 

“Yeah. Totally, “ Undyne reassured her. Alphys smiled in relief. 

You opened the door and lying on the floor were your clothes, clean, folded and neatly pressed. You hadn’t had your clothes this clean since you bought them. You silently thanked Papyrus although you had no idea where he found an iron to iron your clothes but such questions you were better left unanswered. 

You stripped out of what was basically long, green lingerie and draped it over the couch. You dressed quickly, still leaving Undyne and Alphys none the wiser as they crawled out of the bed themselves. You soon followed the fish warrior out of the bedroom. 

“I wonder what these guys got for breakfast,” Undyne yawned. 

Alphys gagged. “I hope it’s pancakes or something...like pancakes.” 

“Or a cup of coffee,” you quipped hopefully. A cup of coffee sounded good too. Maybe a pancake dunked in coffee. That sounded more normal than whatever the hell your host could make up. 

“Breakfast will be ready shortly,” an unfortunately unfamiliar voice informed you. With a groan, your group turned around to face Faulsteintich. “I trust you all slept well?” 

“Yeah, like a baby,” you lied. 

Undyne clasped her hands together. “Hey, any chance breakfast could be something like cereal or pancakes?” 

Faulsteinich winced. “Unfortunately due to your attempts at ‘cooking’, the kitchen is mostly unusable until this evening. The Master has some smoked kipper that we will be serving.” 

“Does it bleed?” Alphys asked. 

Faulsteinich smiled. “Breakfast will be ready by 9.”

“Is Steve going to be there?” You asked. 

“Eager for his reappearance, I see?” You resisted the urge to scream no. Faulsteintich pursed her lips. “No. I’m afraid the daylight does not agree with our Master.” 

Yup. Vampire. You raised your hand up as if you were in school, which certainly did not make you feel like you had anymore control of the situation. “Hey, like uh, Faulsteintich? Can we go into town and see if there’s a restaurant or something that doesn’t serve entrails? Or see if the bar will serve this early?” You added hopefully, tuning out the poor goose that slammed into a window nearby.

“I wouldn’t recommend that.” 

“Why not?” 

“The villagers aren’t very receptive to outsiders,” she warned mysteriously.

“Like attack on sight, receptive?” You asked. 

She bit her lip. “No, not during the day. More of passive aggressive?” 

“You know what, fuck it. I can deal with that,” You declared. You gestured to the females you actually liked. “You guys wanna come?” 

Alphys coughed quietly, “I still have some junk food in my bag.” 

Undyne’s grin was just too much for you to stare at without shivering. “I want to see what a kipper is,” she breathed. 

You shrugged. “Fine. More breakfast and potentially booze for me then.” You turned and walked straight into Papyrus. “Oh. Hey, good morning!” 

“Good morning, human! Are you heading down to breakfast?” 

“Actually, I’m thinking about going into town. Want to come?” You offered. 

“Oh what a wonderful idea! What better way to improve Monster relations than to have the humans meet me, Runner Up Ambassador Extraordinaire!”

“That, and I’m sure that tavern might serve real food.”

“You sure Paps!? Another eating contest with whatever kippers are!”

Papyrus looked faintly green, and not because of any healing magic. “I believe I will attend to my ambassadorial duties.”

“Oh yeah, and plus you and Lori were separated last night.” Undyne shrugged. You couldn’t help but smile slightly as he relaxed even more so.

Papyrus immediately seized upon that excuse as well. “Yes, that too. Let me get Sans! I’m sure he’d love to go and find someplace terrible to eat. Sans!” 

“yeah bro?” His voice spoke right next to you and you nearly jumped. When did he get so close to you? You seriously needed to get your hearing checked or something. Or you needed to get him a bell.

“Oh! You’re here?” Papyrus exclaimed. Well, at least you weren’t the only one, “I half expected I was going to have to scour the whole castle for you!” 

“nah, not today bro. where you guys going?”

“The human has invited me to accompany her to the village full of angry humans.” 

Sans eyed you critically. “did she now?” 

“Well, I offered. He doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to.” 

“Nonsense! Of course I want to come! I’ve been wanting to come since last night!” Papyrus insisted. 

Sans’ critical stare ended in a smirk. “you didn’t want to let my bro come?”

You colored darkly. “Nobody is saying that! I would love it if you both came with me,” you announced through gritted teeth. 

“as much fun as a threesome sounds, i think maybe we should just take it easy today. .” 

“Oh for fu-Frisk!” you spotted the child ambassador stepping out of his bedroom with a yawn. “Hey, you want to go into town?”

Alphys made a small noise, holding up a claw as if to interject but before anyone could react, she squeaked and turned away, presumably heading off to find Undyne.

Frisk’s face lit up for a moment before it fell again. “Thank you but I can't go. My mom grounded me.”

“She...grounded you?’

“Yeah, she found out I came in past my bedtime last night. She was really upset this morning,” Frisk explained. 

Sans laughed. “kid, I'm sure it's not as bad as you say.”

The door opened and Toriel stepped out. You could feel an immediate drop in temperature as her icy glare settled on the group in the hallway. Most prominently on Sans. The skeleton subconsciously shrank a little more into his coat. 

“Frisk, did I overhear you going to the town?” 

Frisk shuffled uncomfortably. “No, they just asked if I wanted to go with them.” 

“And do they know that you’re grounded?”

“Yes, mom, I was just telling them that.” 

“Good. I’m going to finish getting dressed and then we’ll go down for breakfast.” 

“Yes, mom.” Frisk sighed.

Toriel looked at Sans. “I’m very disappointed with you, Sans. I really thought you would look after Frisk but I guess I was wrong about you.” 

Sans scratched his skull. “tori, it’s not like that. ‘sides, i’ve looked after ‘em through worse…” But the goat Monster had already walked back into the bedroom and shut it behind her with a resounding click. Frisk shuffled his feet. 

“I’m sorry about that, she’s really worried,” Frisk explained, though even he seemed a bit confused by the extent of her apparent increased overprotective instinct, “I’ll see you guys later?” He asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” you affirmed. Frisk followed his mom back into her bedroom and closed the door gently after him. 

Sans shuffled his feet. “so that town idea still on the table?” 

“Yeah. Let’s get going.” 

~~~~~

Toriel bit her lip nervously as she combed out her fur. What had so far been a wonderful stay had quickly soured in her mind. She knew she was overreacting. But, what if she wasn’t? Nine dead children had told her that being too safe was never something to take lightly. 

~~~~~

The scent of burnt food was still prevalent in the air as Toriel entered the kitchen and the greeting nuzzle of Asgore's muzzle against hers felt just slightly off, tense and unusually distant. Why should that be? Everything had been so, so perfect.

Shaking off the feeling she gave him her best smile instead. 

“And how is our little one today?" she asked, accepting a glass of red wine; her favourite, though it did have the unfortunate habit of staining her fur. Ah well, everyone always found this most amusing, particularly her most precious human.

She finally identified the smell. "Oh Asgore, burnt eggs again! I know you are much more careful than this."

The King chuckled by way of response, a deep, rich sound. "You know as well as I that this is their preferred consistency, Toriel." 

It was true: the glossy brown head was bent over a plate of decidedly crispy scrambled eggs, apparently not in the least daunted by their bare passing resemblance to the properly made dish. 

Toriel supposed that with a King for a father, combined with Asgore's natural inclination to give children whatever they wanted, the result could have potentially been a very spoilt child indeed. On the other hand, if the only folly it wrought was inconsistently overcooked eggs, it was hardly a concession she was willing to dispute.

"Mummy, may I please go play outside?"

Toriel allowed the full-mouth talking to slide, as well as the clear intention to leave the soiled plate where it lay for someone else (ie: her) to finish washing up. Perhaps she shouldn't be so quick to chastise dear Fluffybuns after all. 

“Of course, my child, but you must be home before dark. I shall not have you missing your bedtime.”

Before any further negotiations could be made, the child scurried out the door, leaving behind their jumper before Toriel could stop them in their determination to attend to the more important things in life, such as playtime. She sighed once more in only slight irritation, giving chase just a moment later when Asgore's response to her clearing her throat was only to pointedly pick up a copy of of the paper, unfold it, shake it out and take a sip from his mug of tea. So be it. Not even Toriel could argue with a shift done.

She scooped the green jumper from the chair. It really was getting quite old, wasn't it? A thumb hole right through the decoration; perhaps not even worth mending. The child was due for a growth spurt and traditional stripes would soon be inappropriate. 

Best to redouble the efforts to enjoy this age while it still lasted. Children were in such a hurry to grow up; human ones doubly so.

"My child!" she called. "You forgot your---"

There was a shriek and the matronly Monster swung immediately towards the source, but as it happened, the shriek had been from a quasi-belly flop into a pile of golden flowers, their uncrushed brethren waving in the slight breeze around the shape of a happily frolicking child.

“Oh Asgore WILL be furious.” Toriel muttered, surprised at her tone. Asgore just wasn’t the type to get angry over his buttercups, now was he? And why did she feel so delighted that he might be upset? 

There was little time to dwell on her increasingly curious mood.

From her periphery vision, Toriel spotted the odd movement. There, amidst the flowers, her sharp eye caught on to the singular flower, not moving like the rest. It shifted independently of the flowers in the breeze , its stalk growing, no, rising, no stretching above the remainder of tits fellow blossoms...and its face...

Its horrible face glared down with malicious intent, glowering towards the unprotected back of her oblivious child.

The flower giggled in a thin, SOUL-piercing voice that made Toriel sick to her stomach, high and childlike, a voice that aroused every protective, motherly instinct in her body. Yet coupled with an urge to both hold the thing close and fling it away from her in horrified revulsion.

It was the latter that prevailed.

"HORRIBLE THING!" She reacted in a second, with a great blast of fire. Golden lapping tongues and sparks like hands, flying, reaching for the hideous thing, stretching her power to its full extent, urging it on to haul it up by its roots and ensconce it whole, until it was less than dust, less than ash, less than soot, nothing at all. 

The burst of magic made contact and the thing - the flower screamed in pain. It was the most terrifying sound she had ever heard, but she endured it, willing her magic to persist until the deed was done. She could still smell the scent of burnt eggs now stronger than ever as they mingled with the scent of frying, boiling earth…

But it was worse than that. More pungent than dirt or mud, more awful, something she knew she had smelled before and that chilled her to her core in spite of the blaze of her magic.

...it was…

...was fur.

The flower, a flower no longer, turned towards her, once-white fur frazzled to scrubby brillo pad black, the horrible scent of the burnt fluff thick and cloying in the air.

“No…” She whispered, casting a frantic glance back at the door. She should be screaming for Asgore, screaming for help! 

“Mummy, Daddy!” 

“ASRIEL!” Toriel tried to scream but it only came out as a choked whisper. She was choking herself on her own words. The last words her child would know of their mother as they burned was her calling them a horrid thing. 

She wanted to die, to fall and crumble into dust right there, rooted to the spot as she was.

And why wasn’t Frisk helping their brother?

...not Frisk…

Frisk was not Asriel’s brother…yet the human, her human child had finally run to Asriel’s side.

A spark of hope leapt in her heart as Chara reached for their brother. One of the yellow petals somehow untouched by her magic was still clinging to Asriel’s arm. Chara turned towards her, placing the petal between their teeth.

Never eat the yellow flowers...

The reaction was instantaneous, the child fell forward in a swoon, into the pyre that was once Asriel and Toriel watched as their children burned together, their bodies, flesh and magic and fur and a lone, red beating soul thick with determination that lingered after what remained was unrecognizable and still.

Now, the great shadow of Asgore, suddenly terrifying in a way that he had never been, even when he had condemned humans to death fell over her.

Toriel, shaking swallowed her fear and turned to him. 

“Asgore I...I am sorry!” she wrenched her gaze from her knees and up to look at him, knowing even before their eyes met what she would see, that he had witnessed everything.

“Our children…” she gasped. “How could you...How could I...I froze I…?”

“They are not our children.” the King said solemnly. “And you shall never be a parent again, as long as I am not dust.” 

His shadow elongated and the woman Monster who strode from it, tall and proud, her long hair in a ponytail, narrow yellow eye watching her impassively.

“I have already found a heir untouched by your poisonous neglect, As you can see she has grown to be a fine young Monster, now that your influence is gone. My new child is alive and will remain so.” He turned from her without another word, choosing to address the...his...surrogate. “Come along, Undyne. Let us leave this unfit woman to be tried by the human authorities.”  
Toriel barely remembered the drive to the courtroom and she did not try to defend herself.

The judge was small, short, dressed in blue and purple stripes with messy brown hair. They seemed too young to be a judge.

“Please, please, I never wished to harm humans!” She had found her voice at long last. “I have always tried to protect them, however I could!”

The child judge’s eyes opened, gleaming as red as the soul she had watched burn.

They were not staring at her. Rather, they were staring at a Monster slouched in the observer's’ benches, face obscured by a high hood that obscured their face. 

“don’t look at me.” the Monster muttered. His voice was so familiar...but why. “i ain’t the responsible type.”

“Well. You heard it. Now, to the sentencing. An eye for an eye and dust to dust.”

“That’s not how the expression…”

And Toriel understood.

“Very well. Burn the horrid thing.” And she held out her hands to welcome the fire like a final child to her arms.

~~~~~

“Mom?” Frisk’s voice broke her from her thoughts. 

Toriel shook her head, the nightmare still fresh in her mind. “Yes, honey?” 

“I’m really sorry about last night,” Frisk apologized. 

“It’s alright, Frisk.”

“Are you mad at me?” He asked, looking up sadly at her. 

Toriel cooed. “Oh, no, honey. No, I’m not mad. I love you so very much, you know that, right?” Toriel enveloped her son in a tight hug.

“Yes. I love you too,” Frisk returned the hug, taking comfort in the large, loving hug. 

She held him even closer. “I’m glad. I won’t let anyone hurt you, okay?” 

“Okay, mom.”

~~~~~

You were glad it wasn’t as overcast as it was yesterday but it was still somewhat chilly as you descended the hill. “what type of grub is the norm for uh...romania?” Sans asked as you neared the bottom. 

“Technically, we’re in Transylvania.”

Sans whistled. “that sounds familiar. i think i saw a movie with that name in it?”

You groaned. “Transylvania is literally the setting for any horror movie ever,” you explained.

“i thought you said that about the forest last year?” Sans reminded you. 

You shook your head. “No. That’s like a byproduct of horror movies. Like every monster started in Transylvania. Zombies, vampires, witches, werewo…” You let your voice die down. 

Papyrus rubbed his chin. “Does that mean Jimmy is originally from Transylvania?”

“maybe he has family?” Sans snickered. 

“You know he lived in Snowden and I never thought to ask him,” Papyrus mused. 

The bustle of the town in front of you prevented further conversation. Sure enough, it felt like you had been transported to a Renaissance fair. Except instead of a fake over the top accents and men hitting puberty, you were stuck with some rather gruff, dirty looking people that looked prone to grab a pitchfork and a torch at the slightest provocation. 

After a few moments, Papyrus spoke up. “This is odd.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t see any small humans.” 

“Like midgets?” You asked. 

“Hey!” You jumped in the air at the voice and quickly turned to see an ugly little angry man missing an eye. “That’s derogatory! We prefer the term little people. Dwarf if you’ve got some itch to adhere to some Snow White  
rubbish!” 

You held up your hands. “Sorry, sorry! Right! Sorry! I didn’t mean anything by it.” Look at you, continuing to insult minority groups, you racist. 

Sans cringed. “i think my bro meant children.” 

You looked around, anywhere but at that old guy who still shook his fist at you. He was right. It was adults. Dirty, well traveled adults. “You’re right. I don’t see any kids. Hell, I don’t even see any teenagers.”

“maybe they’re out necking,” Sans chuckled. 

“That’s so not funny right now.” Your eyes lit up at the sight of a familiar vehicle. “Look, there’s the car!” Still broken as shit and not going anywhere anytime soon. But hey, it was still there and not stripped for parts. You’d heard stories but on the back of your latest snafu, you didn’t want to insinuate anything.

“And Igor!” Papyrus pointed out. 

“Wait, what?” You asked. Sure enough, crouched by your car, was Igor. 

“oh yeah, that’s him alright. but that could be just a hunch.” 

“Hello I-!” Papyrus started to greet but you grabbed both skeletons and yanked them behind the nearest building. 

“Shh!” You shushed. You peeked out from behind the building. “What the fuck is he doing with our car?” 

Igor had turned in confusion at the voice but not seeing anyone, resumed his ministrations. He circled the car like a vulture, wringing his hand and mumbling under his breath. He continued to circle it, every now and then, his hand jutting out to touch the metal only to jerk away immediately. 

Sans peered closer. “old guy’s got something in his hands.” 

You squinted. “I think it’s that stupid talisman he had last night.” Sure enough, he kept tapping and playing with the gold and blue looking thing. At least you’re pretty sure that it was gold. It was shiny and it was probably the cleanest looking thing in this village. 

“They were here, they were here,” he cackled, rubbing his hands, “The Master will be pleased.” 

“Who’s they?” Papyrus asked. 

“probably us.” 

“Of course it’s fucking us. It’s our goddamn car.” 

“Language!” 

His head unnaturally swiveled in your direction. “Eh? Who’s that?” He called out. He started to hobble toward your location. 

You froze. “Shit, he’s coming our way! Uh-uh-uh!” 

Papyrus grabbed you and Sans by the shirt and quickly pulled you into the building you were hiding behind. You were in the tavern. The same one as before. Great. The opportunity to get liquored up. You still needed a place to hide. The bartender looked up to holler at you. “Where’s the restroom?” You blurted out. 

Caught off guard, the man stammered an, “Uh, in the back?” 

“thanks, bud!” Sans thanked. Papyrus opened the door and made a face. 

“It’s kind of small,” he admitted. You turned to see the front door opening and shoved the skeletons inside. He was telling the truth and you found yourself smushed between the brothers. Sans looked sorely tempted to make a joke but at a look from you held his tongue. Papyrus was about to protest but you held a finger to your lips. 

“Shh!” 

“Hello, hello!” You could hear Igor call. You squirmed uncomfortably in your position, feeling like a sardine. Thankfully, you were facing Papyrus who, although didn’t seem pleased with your decision to cram everyone in the restroom, let you link your arms around him to steady yourself. You could feel Sans smirking behind you and you sincerely hoped he wouldn’t be stupid enough to goose you in front of his brother. 

“I thought I said you weren’t allowed in here after that cattle incident,” you could hear the bartender grumble. 

“Water under the bridge, yes it is. My Master sent me here.” 

“The Master eh? How come I’ve never seen this guy?” 

“The sunlight hurts my Master. Oh, how I wish the clouds of darkness would blot out that blight so that he could walk amongst us unworthy ones.”

“....Right...well I don’t want any trouble but get your business done and get out.” 

“Oh. Don't mind little old me. I'm just looking. Looking is all. For scared mice.”

You held your breath as you could hear Igor cackle. (yet this one is okay?) Papyrus picked up your nervousness and tightened his hold on you. Sans chuckled. “i’ll catch you guys later, gonna go see if there’s any snacks in the car.” 

“Sans! Don’t you dare,” Papyrus hissed, but the skeleton was already gone, leaving you two alone. 

“When you say mice, what are you looking for exactly?” 

“That responsibility shirking brother of mine!” Papyrus continued to rant, drowning out the conversation. 

You pressed your ear against the closed door desperately. “Shh, Pap, I can’t hear him.” 

“Preparations are ready for tomorrow, I take it?” The bartender asked.

“He always pulls this especially in a critical situation where we need to learn vital information!” 

“..last of the deliveries...” 

Delivery of what? You pressed your ear against the door as Papyrus continued to exacerbate how serious this situation was.

“Clearly, the utmost care and diligence has to be taken, which I am especially exceptional. You could say I am the exceptionalist when it comes to taking the most carest of diligence.” 

You yanked Papyrus into an air stealing kiss, cutting him off midspeech before he could continue his dialogue about how incredible he was at keeping fucking discreet. 

“Midnight it is, then?” 

“Yes, yes. Oh joyous day! Master’s tribulations will come to fruition and I will be rewarded with something more succulent than all the riches in the world.” 

“Alright, now get out of here.” 

“Yes, yes. Of course. The mice aren’t here. But soon, the trap will be set. Farewell, barkeep.” 

You waited until you heard the front door open and close before you pulled away from your boyfriend. “What the fuck was he talking about? What deliveries?” Your personal monologue was interrupted by the sound of Papyrus retching. “Pap, you okay?”

“Who thinks it’s a good idea to make out in a bathroom?!” Papyrus exclaimed, clearly more horrified than aroused.

“Are you serious?” You gaped. “What was I supposed to do? Keep asking you to be quiet?” 

“Yes!” He coughed. “I think I’m going to vomit.”

“How are you going to vomit if you don’t have a stomach?” You demanded. 

He didn’t answer but continued to retch. You sighed and reached out to pat him on the back. “Listen, I’m sorry about-”

“Wash your hands first!” Papyrus whined. 

You stopped trying to touch him. “Screw it, I’m leaving.” You kicked open the door and immediately felt everyone’s eyes on you. You shot everyone an equally dirty look. “What? What the fuck are you all looking at?” Everyone’s eyes went back to their work. You almost stepped out but doubled back to wash your hands. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t mention it. Just like you don’t mention anything else these days,” you bitterly muttered. 

“I didn’t catch that, human?” 

“Nothing. I’m going to get a drink and some grub.” You left your boyfriend in the restroom and approached the bartender. “Do you guys take Visa ?”

“Yeah. With ID.”

“Great. You guys serve liquor here?” 

“Yeah. Natty light.”

“Come again?” You stared incredulously at him. “This is Transylvania and you are serving Natty light?” 

“Trying to attract tourism.”

“hey, what’d i miss?” Sans asked, popping up next to you again. 

“Get out,” the bartender ordered. 

Sans chuckled. “the hospitality in this place is just suffocating.” 

You clasped your hands together. “Sans, please tell me you heard whatever Igor was talking about!” 

“fraid not, kid. was too busy checking the car.” 

“Dammit. Did he do anything to our car?”

“not that i could see. guess he’s not much of a gear head.” Sans eyed the bar counter with interest. “so what’s the cuisine like here? wing of bat and eye of newt?”

“They serve shitty college beer and uh, what do you guys have for brunch?”

“Well, we just got in a supply of kippers.”

“Dammit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natty light sucks. But not as much as kippers. Fuck kippers.
> 
> Artwork  
> 
> 
> [Close Quarters](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/)


	9. Taking Things for Granite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smallpersiankitten: First of all, We are alive. That's the very very important part. This story is going to be finished, we pretty much have everything outlined and just have fill in the gaps so bear with us please. We have fantastic artwork for this story by [peanutbutter-n-meli](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/). They look outstanding and have already been sprinkled into the story, so I heavily urge you to not only check out this link [here](http://peanutbutter-n-meli.tumblr.com/post/169339488889/finished-commissions-and-1-freebie-because-i-love) but to go back to any of the previous chapter that now has the word (Art) added to the title to see the pictures with their respective chapters. We seriously cannot emphasize how amazed we are at this! 
> 
> And now, a word from my co-author, the Being, who wishes to impart their own tidings of joy and well being to you all.
> 
> The Being: I have returned from the Kippers and terrible beer dimension from my anti-Christmas vacation….but I could totally get used to the gift portion of that...holiday. I got new argyle sweater-vests for practicing the black arts and devouring souls. It was wonderful. I also may or may not be responsible for small localized swarms of cold-resistant locusts that emit white noise and erase tweets made by certain orange entities. 
> 
> So Happy New Year and Happy Terrifyingly Realistic Nightmares for All!
> 
> And thank you again for your patience.

You know what didn’t go with kippers? The digestive system. You managed to get one down before you tried to chug a beer. Do you know what else didn’t go with kippers? Natty light. You did your best to try to keep everything down but ultimately passed the beer to Pap who eyed it critically. 

“This is really dirty water.” 

“It’s not water. It’s basically horse piss.”

“And you’re sharing it with me?” 

You heard Sans choke, having tried to eat the kippers as well. He grabbed your semi drunk beer and downed it. Regret hit him instantly. 

“that was pretty awful.” 

And yet, you and Sans had another one while Papyrus sipped on a ginger ale. 

“The more I drink it, the more I’m into it,” you mumbled.

“pretty sure that’s the definition of stockholm syndrome.” 

“Stockholm what?” Papyrus asked.

“Stockholm syndrome. It’s when a hostage falls for their captor,” you explained. 

“Oh. Oh! Is that what it’s called?” 

Sans and you exchanged glances and then glasses. “yess?” 

“Nyeh heh heh! That explained why Frisk was so madly and deeply in love with me. I just assumed all my prisoners found me irresistible.” 

“oh yah, you put him in our shed.” 

“It wasn’t a shed. It was a temporary prison cell.” Papyrus argued. 

You busted out laughing, the alcohol making you far less stressed and tight-lipped. “Is that why you kidnapped me that one time?” You snickered, “were you hoping I’d fall in love with you?” 

“Eh…There was this ghost...” he stammered. When you didn’t look like you believed him, he tried to speak again. “Sans told me to do it. You could have just said yes and it wouldn’t have been a kidnapping. It was a gesture of friendship?” You winked at the tall skeleton. Papyrus gestured to his brother. “Back me up here, Sans.” 

Sans chuckled. “depends. would you allow her to kidnap you if you were possessed?”

“Yes?”

“No, he wouldn’t. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a kidnapping,” you argued. 

“how would you even kidnap him anyway? my bro’s pretty smart.”

“Easy. I would tell him we had seats at Cooking with A Killer Robot and told him he’d have to wear a blindfold so he wouldn’t ruin the surprise.” 

“i’m not sure if i should be worried that it didn’t take you that long to come up with that answer.” Sans cleared his throat. “thinking of taking pap away from me?” 

You could have sworn his voice dipped with that. “Thought you wanted a threesome, Sans?” 

“Oh my God! Both of you stop it. You’re acting so weird! No more drinking for either of you. Here, other human, please take my human’s beverage away,” he asked, handing your drink over to a woman with a pronounced stomach. 

“Pap-pap, she can’t have that drink. Pregnant women aren’t supposed to drink,” you blurted out. 

The woman shot you daggers. “I’m not pregnant.” 

Sans fell out of his chair laughing as you turned red. “I, uh, uh shit, sorry.” 

Papyrus grabbed your hand. “Let’s go.” 

“I gotta settle my tab,” you protested. 

“Sans, did you ever settle your tab with Grillby?” 

“shit. he, uh, no. i gotta go pay him. i don’t go as often since we left the underground.”

You signed the slip, wincing. At least you knew that Grillby used to have a place in the Underground although Papyrus wasn’t the one to tell you that. You found out when you were actually in the bar from some random horse Monster in a greaser jacket. Or Sans told you? God damn, you needed some fresh air. 

“Goddammit! He’s back!” You heard the bartender swear. 

“Shit! Is it Igor?” You gasped, looking around. Wedged in the window, was a pair of large horns. That looked really familiar. 

Sans peered at the window. “Is that one of the cows?” He asked. 

Mr. Big had sandwiched his head into one of the windows, attempting to eat the food off the table closest to the sill. Damn bastard must have been desperate. The bartender was already reaching under the counter. “That hunched freak better get his cow otherwise I’m going to make him wish he never bought him in the first place.” 

You could have sworn you saw the glint of metal in the man’s hand. “Wait! Wait! We’ll get him out!” You volunteered, stumbling out of your chair. You looked toward Sans and Papyrus hopefully. “Right, guys?” 

“Of course!” 

“sure, why not?” 

“Well hurry up. You have 2 minutes.”

You bolted outside with the skeletons and ran to the other side of the tavern. There was Mr. Big's back end. You grabbed at the leather straps on him and pulled back with no success. Papyrus grabbed the bull and attempted to pull him by the legs but he could barely make any leeway. 

And Sans….Sans was just fishing in his pocket and offering whatever he pulled out to the bull unsuccessfully. You couldn't understand why between all three of you, you couldn't move him. 

“Time!”

The bartender shoved you roughly aside into Papyrus, knocking the skeleton down. He grabbed the lead with one hand and before you could do anything, drove the knife into the beast over and over 

“Wait! No!”

Mr. Big seems rather unphased by the whole experience which was not normal for an animal being stabbed. It took you a few seconds to realize that the bartender was not stabbing the animal but rather the leather reins on him. With a determined grunt, the bartender backed away hands to a sides.

“I warned him.” 

You stood up and grab the reins that were still attached to the bull. Etched crudely into the leather where the words “Sex and the City sucks,” you read out loud. You looked at the bartender in disbelief. 

“I thought you were going to stab him.”

“What? No. That's destruction of property if I do that. I warned that hunchback that if his cows kept eating my supply of barley meal wheat wine, I was going to get even.”

“Hold up, you had wine? Why did you tell us you only have Natty light?”

“Natty lights for the tourists.” The bartender groaned. “He'll be here until that guy comes back. It's impossible to get him to leave unless you know the password.”

“Password? What password?”

“Is this a puzzle?” Papyrus ask excitedly. 

“He calls the cow something else and it listens to him.”

“mr. big?”

“No, I tried that. He's got a different name. Ugh, I guess I better wait inside for him to come back when he realizes he's missing a cow.”

You grit your teeth.

“A special name, eh? What are other names for a cow?”

You didn't want to say it. 

“try horny. cuz of the horns?”

“That didn't work. Maybe we can tell him to give us a high hoof?”

Then again, you didn't want to ruin the risk of Igor stumbling back here trying to find his bull and finding you instead. You leaned in close to the bull. “John James Preston.” 

The bull snapped to attention immediately and watched you. Sans and Papyrus appraised you. “Wowie, do you know this bull personally?” Papyrus asked. 

“No. Let’s not talk about it.” 

“wouldn’t have anything to do with that show now, would it?” 

“I said, let’s not talk about it. Now help me lead this fucker back to the castle.” 

~~~~~

The trek back SUCKED. Going uphill with an upset stomach was terrible and sluggish. Sans didn’t even feel well enough to use a shortcut. And Papyrus didn’t offer to carry anyone. So you knew that everyone didn’t feel that great. You’re pretty sure you could have ridden Mr. Big. He seemed friendly enough. Yet if he spotted his special friend, you no doubt were going for a tumble. 

You left the bull at the entrance and he trotted off toward the stable nearby. Oh! There was the other car. Parked in one of the pens...with a bucket of apples in front of it and some water. Uh, yeah, that was the normal. 

Your heart stopped in your chest at the sound of the doorbell and you turned angrily toward Sans. His skeletal finger still depressed the button shamelessly. The door soon opened, revealing Bensenmum. “Good evening!” He greeted. All three of you looked up at the sun still high in the sky, albeit blotted out by the increasingly overcast weather. 

“a little early for that, eh?” 

“Is it? Oh dear. I better stop dinner preparations.” 

Sans lit up. “yes. stop that and don’t worry about continuing it.” 

Bensenmum laughed. “You’re such a comedian.”

“Nyeh heh heh. Well, I’m glad someone finds you humerus,” Papyrus quipped, clearly far too proud of himself for the joke. You rolled your eyes. 

“pap, you’re the best.” 

“I know.” Papyrus slapped the butler on the back and nearly knocked him to the ground. “Perhaps I could offer my expertise with dinner tonight?” 

“Oh, that’s very gracious of you, madam,” Bensenmum thanked. “We’ll have to take a look to see how the kitchen is coming along.” 

Sans snickered. “this i’ve got to see.” 

You walked in after the blind butler. “I wonder what our friends have been up to since we’ve been gone.” 

“Oh! Your friends are waiting for you. There was quite the commotion earlier, if I do say so.”

“Commotion?” You asked. 

“Oh yes. They had lunch in the atrium I believe. Would you like me to show you where that is?” 

You considered the offer. The blind leading the blind, eh? You debated which was the better option. Actually knowing where the atrium is or giving Papyrus more time to possibly destroy the kitchen and prevent another ghastly dinner. You settled on the second option. For the greater good. “Uh, actually, no worries. Just point me in the direction.” 

Bensnenmum pointed to a column. You smacked your head. Sans coughed. “pretty sure i saw something if you go that way. just a hunch.” 

“Is Igor back already?” Bensenmum asked, “I was hoping he’d make it back in by supper as well.” 

Sans fucking lost it. You saw an opportunity. “Speaking of Igor, do you know why he went into town?” 

“I believe it was a personal errand of the Master. But as to what, I do not know.” 

“Damn, well. Thanks anyway. I’ll see you later.” 

“Just a moment, human, can I speak with you?” Papyrus caught you before you could walk away.

“Sure thing, what’s up Papyrus?” 

“I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to share anything with me, do not hesitate to do so.” 

“Oh, uh. Thank you.” 

“The Great Papyrus prides himself with his openness with his friends.”

“Really?” 

“Absolutely! No skeletons in my closet. Except me sometimes!” 

You smiled. “Actually, now that you mention it, I did have a question for you. Can you-”

“Madam Papyrus, are you coming?” 

“Oh shoot. Duty calls. Let’s continue this conversation later, alright?”

“Sure, yeah, whatever, I guess.” You felt like sulking. You sulked. 

You wandered in the direction of the atrium. You had never been on an atrium before. Well, there were field trips to missions and stuff but never an atrium in a real castle. You about neared the entrance when you spotted Alphys pacing nervously.

“Hi, Alphys!” 

The dinosaur jumped up in surprise. “Oh my gosh! There you are! Where were you?!” 

“I went into town, remember?” 

“Oh yeah, right, right. Sorry. I’m a bit scatterbrained after everything that happened.” 

“Everything that happened?” You asked. You realize the dinosaur was alone. “Weren’t you with Undyne?” 

“Yeah, uh. I was. She was supposed to come meet me for the second marathon.” She laughed humorlessly. “I don’t think she wants to watch it with me.”

“What makes you say that?”

~~~~~

“Undyne? Is everything okay?” Alphys asked, her girlfriend walking by her with far less swagger than normal. 

Undyne tried to grin only for it to falter. “Yeah, uh yeah, Alphys, it’s uh. Kinda.”

“Kinda?”

“There was an accident.”

“What type of accident?” 

“Don’t worry about it. Have you seen Asgore?” She asked.

Alphys was taken aback by the question. Undyne looked really upset. “Uh, oh. I haven’t What happened? Are you okay?” the scientist asked, her claw wavering out unsuredly to clasp the captain’s. 

Undyne shook her head. “It’s fine. Nothing to worry about. I’m just going to find Asgore real fast.”

“Oh! Can I come with you? You can talk with me.”

“Nah, Al, don’t worry about it. It’s not something like, well, listen. Just stay here, I’ll be back soon, okay? We can watch that marathon, sounds good?” 

“Ah, okay.” 

~~~~~

Alphys groaned. “And that’s the last I saw of her and I’ve been waiting here ever since.” 

You blinked and looked at the sun. “Wait, how long have you been waiting her?” 

“Two hours.” 

“You’ve been waiting here for two hours?!” 

“Yes? Oh my God. That was really weird. Does that make me seem desperate?”

Kinda. “No, no! Not at all!” You quickly reassured her, “You’re just worried is all. I’d be worried too.” 

“Okay, good, that’s a relief.” 

You eyed the castle suspiciously. “You know, this whole place just feels off to me. Like someone is watching and waiting to get us. 

Alphys threw out her hands. “RIght?! Like I could have sworn there was like a hole behind one of those paintings on the stairs.” 

You tapped your chin thoughtfully. 

“Let’s go check it out,” you decided, stomping a foot down. 

“What? But you just said someone was going to get us.”

“Listen, it’s still daylight. That means fucking Steve won’t be out and about for at least a few hours. Any human that attacks us during this time, we could probably kick their ass. You have magic, right?”

Alphys hesitated. “Well, yeah. But I don’t really attack though like Undyne.” 

“But like you can do something, right?” 

“Technically.”

“Awesome. And I can scream bloody murder and flail. Together, we are unstoppable.”

“Y-yeah.” Alphys did not look like she totally believed you, but she seemed willing to give it a shot. 

“Uh...so, do you know where the staircase is?” You asked. “Might as well start there?” 

“You want to go upstairs in a spooky castle?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Crap, I didn’t think of that,” you admitted. 

“But I guess there’s not much of a choice. Everyone’s been on edge more than normal. Even Asgore seemed anxious. And he loves gardens. Something bigger must be going on.” 

“Right, well, uh lead the way then, I guess.”

Alphys had actually remembered the way back to the stairs. You had briefly debated going to get Sans and Papyrus too but the thought of going anywhere near that kitchen of culinary catastrophe made you both turn a slight shade of green. So you decided to risk it without them. You were about to walk toward the steps when she grabbed you by the shirt and yanked you back. You were about to shoot her a what the hell when she pointed. 

There was Faulsteintich approaching the stairs and carrying something large, flat and covered by a massive tarp. She looked around suspiciously before she ascended the stairs and disappeared down the hall.

Alphys breathed a sigh of relief at not being spotted. You were more interested in the thing she had in her hands. “What is that?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Let’s follow her.” 

Alphys peered at the photos as you ascended. “These aren’t the same pictures!” She gasped.

“What?” 

“Look!” She pointed. “It’s pictures of people feeding geese and stuff! The one Undyne punched had a woman with a pearl necklace.”

“Heh.” You couldn’t help it. 

“And the portrait of the lady in green is gone.” 

“Heh-what?” 

Sure enough, there was an empty canvas where the painting once was. It was just bare. Just waiting for something else to fill its place instead. You tried to ignore the cold sense of dread that creeped up your spine. “Maybe, that’s what she was carrying up the stairs.” 

“But why go downstairs only to go back upstairs?” You asked. 

“I have no idea. The more I stay here, the more things make less and less sense.” 

“There must be a reason she has that painting. C’mon, let’s go check it out.”

“Carefully,” Alphys suggested.

“She’s gotta be in her forties. We can take her.” 

“Well, if you say so.” 

With that vote of confidence on whether you could beat up middle age adults, you reached the landing. You counted the doors. “Right, so we’ve got, uh, five rooms. So if we take 2 doors each, we should be good.”

“Okay, let’s check each room,” Alphys agreed. 

You opened the first door and found yourself in the skeleton’s room. Which was still impressively clean. You checked the dresser, under the bed, everywhere. As you touched the bed, it did occur to you that it was the only thing to sleep on in this room. Did Sans and Papyrus share a bed? That was kind of sweet. You almost broke into a smile until you realized that this was also the same bed you and Papyrus had sex in just an hour or so before you brought Sans back. No wonder Pap did not look well rested. He probably cleaned all the sheets again before he even let Sans sleep there. Oops. 

You popped your head out, just as Alphys left one of the other rooms, her face red with embarrassment. “What’s up? Did you find anything?” You inquired. 

“I, uh, just. Found some of the Queen’s...stuff.” 

“Stuff? What type of stuff? Useful stuff?”

“Personal...clothing...stuff.” 

“Oh. OH!” You coughed, feeling yourself turn red. “Yeah, wow, no. Let’s move on.” 

Alphys moved on to the room she and Undyne had slept in the night before. “I’ll check in here,” she coughed before darting in. 

You walked to the next door and turned the knob only for it to not budge. Was it locked? The handle didn’t even jiggle. You pulled and pulled at the door but it didn’t budge. You gave it a frustrated kick only for your foot to go through the door door and hit the wall. You yanked back your foot and whimpered piteously. “Ow, ow, ow ow. What the fuck type place is this?” 

After you stopped whining, you realized that there was a frame around this door. And not a door frame. A picture frame. With a little plaque on the bottom. Perhaps it had some secret code you had to speak to get this door to work. You knelt down to read it aloud:

“Reconstruction of 18th Century Victorian Door by Lional Appletart. This accurate recreation of the Victorian era style of home decor was created after several excavations of ruined 18th century homes. This piece of artistic history was graciously funded by Romania’s own University of Bucharest. This 30,000 euro piece of art has been lauded for its attention to detail and historical accuracy-”

Holy shit. Wait. 30,000 euros? You didn’t even have 10 dollars. How much dollars were to euros? Oh my God. You didn’t just destroy modern art. You destroyed modernized old art. 

“Everything okay?” Alphys asked. 

“What is the rate of currency exchange between dollars and euros?” You blurted out.

“I don’t know?” Alphys peered over your shoulder. “Is that a model of a door?” 

“Yes! I just kicked a hole in it.” 

“Are you serious?”

“It cost 30,000 euros.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Alphys forced herself to remain calm-ish. “We can’t deal with that right now. We have one more door to check out, okay? Let’s just do it and get out of here, okay.”

“Okay, okay,” you agreed. 

This led you both to standing in front of the doorway at the end of the hall. The one, Faulsteintich was so eager to shove you into on the first night. “This is the mistress room.” 

“Yeah, uh…”

“It’s unlocked.” 

“Awesome. Well, she’s got to be in there. There’s nowhere else she can be. “

“Here goes nothing.” 

With bated breath, you pushed open the door, expecting untold horrors to rain down upon you in an instant. Instead, you just stared. Alphys peered around you. “This looks like a normal room,” she finally concluded. Sure enough, there was a normal looking bed with a pink comforter, a night stand and a large armoire. You glanced around. 

“Where’s Faulsteinich?” You warily observed. 

“I don’t know,” Alphys admitted, ignoring the sound of a low flying swallow smacking the only window in the room. 

You ran your fingers through your hair. “There’s gotta be some sort of secret pathway or something!” You argued, walking over the rug with the decorative phrase “No place like home” with cute smiling cherubs. You knelt down and looked under the bed. “C’mon, help me look.” 

“O-okay. But we better check it out quickly before someone else comes.”

You probably wouldn’t have been able to fight off both Igor and the housekeeper or at least not without a lot of difficulty. You quickly canvased the room, looking for some form of hidden wall or secret lever only to come up with nothing. “Alphys, check the armoire.”

The scientist opened the armoire and peeked inside. “Nothing but hangers and-”

The bedroom door opened and before you could even think, you shoved the scientist into the armoire. You slammed it shut behind you as the bedroom door opened fully revealing the very last person you wanted to see. 

Steve’s eyes met yours as he finished pushing open the door and he paused. “Oh, hello there.” 

“Heyyyyyy,” You greeted, trying to look nonchalant. 

The most likely vampire approached you. You thought vampires couldn’t come in to rooms if they weren’t invited but then you remembered it was his fucking house. Castle. Thing. “My, my, what a surprise to see you in this room.” 

“Yes, and what a surprise to see you in this room too,” you repeated. 

Steve looked like he wanted to facepalm but he resisted. Barely. “May I ask why you are in here?” 

“I was just exploring.” 

“By yourself?” 

“Yup.”

"It’s not good to go exploring on your own. Unless, you’re not on your own?”

“I’m alone.”

“I could have sworn I heard you speaking with someone. A companion perhaps?” 

“No, no! No companion here! Just me, myself and I.” 

“How fortuitous for me. But if you wanted a tour,” he spoke slowly, circling, “You should have asked.” 

You were painfully aware of how carefully he chose his steps, managing to come within inches of the sunlight filtered through the glass window but without actually coming into contact with it. It was very disconcerting.

“I don’t want to be a bother. No need to take me on a tour.” 

“Well, I suppose if you’re refusing my offer, I could show you around this room, show you all the nooks and crannies and secrets.”

“On second thought! I would love a tour!”

“How delightful! Where would you like to see?”

“Anywhere!” You shouted, pushing the definite vampire out of the room, “Anywhere but this room.” 

“Okay, okay, sheesh! No need to push!” 

You glanced behind you worriedly at the closed armoire. You would be back for Alphys as soon as you could. 

Provided you survived Steve’s “tour”.

~~~~~

Undyne burst out of the kitchen, giving the much abused door a mighty slam as she did. Hey. That felt good. She got a few steps down the hall before stopping, jogging in place. Naw, that wasn't enough. Jogging back, She wrenched it back open and gave it a more definitive bang. There was a sound like straining, splintering wood. Her grin split into a jagged, toothy but rather sarcastic smile.That was a more pleasing sound to her than what she had heard before.

_The loud noise of ancient stone hitting cobblestone shook the entire atrium. Frisk had only been standing there moments earlier. The legitimate shock of the young ambassador’s face was easily seen. “Wow, that was really close,” he gasped._

_“Shit! Frisk, are you okay?” Undyne yelled, jumping down from her perch, “I was just leaning on it! I had no idea that it was loose!” She explained, pointing toward the pedestal where the gargoyle had been. “I’m so sorry, Frisk.”_

_“We should probably be more careful,” Frisk managed to finally say._

_“Yeah, a lot of these stoney structures aren’t that solid.”_

_“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”_

Undyne tried not to focus on that. She thought about her girlfriend coming up to her afterwards, unaware of what had happened.

_“Undyne? Is everything okay?”_

_“Yeah, uh yeah, Alphys, it’s uh. Kinda.”_

_“Kinda?”_

_“There was an accident.”_

_“What type of accident?”_

_“Don’t worry about it. Have you seen Asgore?”_

_“Uh, oh. I haven’t What happened? Are you okay?”_

_“It’s fine. Nothing to worry about. I’m just going to find Asgore real fast.”_

_“Oh! Can I come with you? You can talk with me.”_

_“Nah, Al, don’t worry about it. It’s not something like, well, listen. Just stay here, I’ll be back soon, okay? We can watch that marathon, sounds good?”_

_“Ah, okay.”_

Oh gosh, did she offend someone with that? Wait, did she? She knew Alphys could be sensitive...but no. She’d figure it out that it wasn’t about her. Well, maybe...maybe she’d totally make it up to her. Once she found Asgore and got all this out. With her fists. Undyne’s temper reignited again. Aw, was the Queen going to to mourn the lives of the termites she just killed? The dust motes?

_“Of all the irresponsible, reckless acts I have ever witnessed, this is by the far the worst I have ever seen.”_

_“Mom, she didn’t mean it.”_

_“I’m very sorry, Queen Toriel,” Undyne tried to apologize._

So a statue had fallen. It had missed Frisk ENTIRELY. And she was there. She would have caught it.

Stars, Toriel...QUEEN Toriel, she reminded herself, but really she was too precious with the kid.

Huffing, Undyne broke into a jog. Asgore had taught her how to dispel her energy in healthy ways. Like exercising out her anger and bad feelings. Or sparring with him. Where exactly had he gone, anyway? If she ever needed a sparring session, now was the time!

_“Sorry? Sorry?! You’re not sorry. Will the blood of my child be on your hands before you are truly sorry?!”_

_“I didn’t mean…”_

Asgore had lost a kid too, but was he all cutesey with Frisk like that? Treating them like a delicate little flower? No! Of course not! And as for herself, what did Toriel think? That she'd lost this eye because she wasn't careful? No, she was a monster! A sniper. A spear-thrower...person. Lancer! She’d never have gotten as far as she had because Asgore had pulled his punches. Or because he let her pull his.

Who even did that? Who coddled someone who was a great...survivalist? Who had skills. The kid had mad skills! Like.....

_“What type of Captain are you? I don’t want you anywhere near my child again. Do you hear me? Anyone would be safer with me than with you!”_

....Undyne slowed, bracing herself against a nearby something. She felt winded, but not because of her run.

_“Mom! Stop!”_

What was with Toriel? Frisk was her kid but in her eyes, weren’t they were all liable? What was that promise nonsense that she kept talking to Sans about? And grounding Frisk just because he stayed up past his bedtime in a freaking awesome...weird...castle?

Who didn’t even allow a kid to make their own choices?

Undyne frowned to herself.

...like forcing...cooking lessons on...people instead of telling them the truth about their training?

Well that was DIFFERENT. 

Wasn’t it?

...Wasn't Sans just as bad? He knew about the arrangement.

And Toriel….she trained the kids...and she also tried to keep them locked up. She’d admitted to it herself. To keep them safe from Asgore….which was kind of like prisoners. Which wasn’t right, but…it sort of was almost like what she tried to do to Papyrus….

Philosophical thinking wasn’t her forte….this was hard.

Undyne shrieked in frustration. and started hitting the rock she'd been leaning against, confused and angry. Only after she pulled back her fist did she observe it more closely.

It was some great granite thing. In the likeness of Steve....neat. Her grimace curled into a wide, if creepy smile and she pummeled it with fresh vigor. Take this you creepy thing, and you crummy old bat Faulsteintich who had snapped at Asgore. And she hoped she'd crack it. Crack it and break it and show everyone what she thought of... them.

Her spears struck the thing and it swayed precariously on its plinth. 

Good.

She roundhouse kicked it.

It rocked.

Excellent.

She leapt into the air as high as she could go and hurled everything she had at it, pouring every bit of confusion, negativity and frustration into each hit. Her boots hit the ground with an earth-shaking thud. She rose from her squat and folded her arms to survey the aftermath of her handiwork.

...or hissy fit, a small unpleasant corner of her mind happened to remark. She quickly shrugged it off.

With a mighty rumble, the statue cracked, a fresh, long, almost perfect cut straight through Steve’s granite nose, right down to his chin.

Undyne laughed, long and loud, but it wasn’t finished yet. Tiny little cracks continued spiderwebbing out, dislodging tiny little pieces. A little rumble and a puff of dust...another louder scrape of stressed rock...and another...another and finally the statue split clean in two.

“YES!” Undyne spun to pump her fist. “I AM THE CHAMP--” her words died in her throat as she realized she had an audience.

Frisk had stepped beside the statue. 

“BESTIE!” Undyne shrieked, twisting awkwardly out of her dab pose, but her body refused to move that way, leaving her to stumble and fall awkwardly on her face. This time however there was no oppressive hotland heat to blame, and the life on the line wasn’t hers.

Undyne had never experienced true helplessness before; no moment when her incredible spirit could not see her through Now though, she found herself rooted to the spot staring as the statue toppled onto the child’s head.

Being a monster, Undyne could see the soul shatter alongside its massive stone counterpart, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. 

Sometimes it was easy to forget that Frisk was not a Monster and Undyne had seen Monsters die. To be honest, she’d seen humans die as well, in movies...in anime.

There was so much blood. Her sharp eye that she had been so proud of moments ago could pick out the features of what remained of the face. The body was ...either run through or crushed, from this angle she couldn’t tell which. 

Undyne lay there as the blood oozed in a stream towards her, and only then did she find the strength to push herself up and backwards and away, dancing out of its trajectory.

“Ugh, no...no...no…” she panted breathlessly. “No, Frisk, you’re not dust yet, you’re…”

But she had seen the child’s soul shatter. There was no coming back from this.

It was disgusting...it was so so so gross. The former Captain of the Guard wanted to heave, but retained just enough of herself to swallow down whatever was trying to force its way out of her. Whatever direction that was.

“Urrrgh, maybe if I just get this off you!” Steeling herself and striding forward, Undyne heaved the hunk of what was left of Statue Steve away. 

It was worse this way. A great puddle of flesh and fat and vicersa and meat, still oozing blood and...the inside bits - organs, all smeared out from a gaping hole that seemed fathomless, despite knowing it ended in the ground. worse, or maybe…

Undyne had never been great at puzzles. The long, boring, meticulous way around a problem bored her and she had worked hard to hone her strength to barrel through these situations. She had laughed in the proverbial faces of the old Monster puzzle makers, saw no value in their work, only encouraged Payrus to ‘continue’ the skills in order to keep him from finding out the truth about her so-called ‘training’ and his future in the guard.

Now though, now…

She couldn’t go back. She had to put Frisk back together. All this? It was a puzzle. A shattered SOUL, a body like a machine.

She had to do it without Alphys, without Papyrus.

This was her mess and she would clean it up.

She picked up a soft pink something in one hand and started to squish it back into what she presumed to be its other half. .

“URRGHH, FIT! FIT DAMN YOU FIT!”

She mashed the pieces together with all the insistence of a child forcing mismatched puzzle pieces together, temper working up. She felt like her SOUL was ripping apart, burning, melting, sweating? She was no protector, no Captain, no hero. She was a murderer but if she could get this to fit, fit, fit she could just go home.

She needed...determination. 

She could do it. She could…

“And what’s this?”

“No one knows. There is a legend that a Monster so terrible killed a child and melted themselves from doing such a terrible deed. Then again, most historians believe it to be a statue of the Monster Undyne who disappeared one day close to this area. The statue seems to have fallen off its plinth and succumbed to the elements.”

All around her the voices droned on, on and on into the years, decades, centuries…

They’d found and taken Frisk’s body eons ago, Alphys had sobbed. Said something about the amalgamates, determination….something…

...she just needed her puzzle back. She could fix it. 

Where was it? 

She...just needed to finish it. 

So she could die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One by one, they fall. 
> 
> Next Chapter will be out much sooner. Thanks for your patience.
> 
> Wonder what Steve is going to show us?


End file.
